By your side
by miss-rowena-ravenclaw
Summary: Sirius and Harry fic NO SLASH fith year without the veil. Harry is in grave danger again. Sirius is willing to stay by his side, through the tough times becuase he would do anything for Harry. Sirius knows Harry isn't James, Harry is special just as he is
1. Chapter 1

Vernon was talking, his moustache twitching with every syllable; spit flying, when it happened. The door burst in, there were pops of apparition and Petunia's screams, then there was a burst of light and cold hands grabbed Harry around the waist, then it was silent in privet drive. Petunia gripped her son's jacket, tears streaming down her face in fear, watching the spot where her nephew and an intimidating grisly man in a black hooded cloak and horrible mask, disappeared.

Harry was expecting to apparate somewhere far away where no-one could save him, but he was shocked when he had arrived on a street in the middle of a country lane, a deserted country lane too. There were people assembled there, but through the thick tunnels Harry's eyes had become, he could only distinguish black smudges as death eaters and struggling captives as aurors. Harry's heart seized. Thick steely arms that had clutched him as he apparated withdrew, and Harry sunk to the ground, the same man prodded him hard, with his steel-capped shoe. Harry inwardly grimaced but stayed stoic in attempt to not show emotion. The death eater grunted, but Harry could detect real worry in his voice. "He better be in fine condition…"

Maybe that was the way Harry could live, to fake dead, although there was no reason for harry to have died in the last few hours and harry doubted he was that good of an actor. Plus, his heartbeat, if nothing else gave him away, that would. Thinking about this made his head hurt, it was still fuzzy from when he nearly lost his soul to the dementors. Maybe… That was it! He could have pretended to lose his soul. Soulless people still had heartbeats, and there was more than adequate reason for his lie to be true. The death eater hadn't even inspected him properly before the kidnap… so no one would really know… But still, harry doubted his acting skills. Sure, he could sit around and act soulless, but what if they tried to torture him, could he go through that without reacting? Of course not, and they were highly likely to curse him to test. Desperately harry brought all the information he knew about soul-sucking and soullessness to the forefront of his mind. Hermione explaining what dementors do when they kiss you, with her face scrunched up in disgust, Remus telling him there was no cure, and the horribly familiar feeling of a dementor attack. Vaguely Harry remembered Malfoy and his thugs dressing up in black cloaks while the quiddich match was on, and how he had thought them to be real dementors. He focused harder, eliminating anything distracting. Suddenly there was Mad-eye moody or his impersonator last year, in Defense class, teacher another complicated spell. "The suffocation spell creates total sensory deprivation, a right nasty spell, lasts up to 24 hours if cast well." Moody had grunted, eye swiveling, he hammered a stub of chalk to the blackboard next to the incantation of the spell he was teaching. The words tumbled out of Harry's mouth as he remembered them. "Celosia depraver." And Harry was shocked to be emerged in thick blackness. Being Moody, he had tested the spell on select members of the class, Ron had been chosen and described the ordeal to Harry after, which was probably the reason Harry remembered. "It was awful mate." Ron had recounted, shuddering. "It was like… Blackness, not just seeing blackness, but everything blackness, hearing blackness, tasting blackness… Like everything was never there." Harry thought this was a very apt description, although, his spell he cast wasn't particularly strong and he could still see swirls of light colour and echoing, haunting sounds. His body though, was numb and he breathed without commanding his body to do so. A slow steady rhythm.

He tried to move his hand, and failed. He knew there were people around him, he saw before and he tried to separate the different voices from the muted wisps of sound in his ears. Suddenly the noise decreased significantly and a single voice Harry heard. Without even seeing, Harry knew it was Voldermort. Straining his uncooperative ears, he tried to listen. He only caught singled words. "Finally, Harry, you?" He had the distinct impression Voldermort was addressing him. He couldn't speak if he wanted to. "Stand up!" Voldermort shouted, at least Harry thought that was what he shouted, he hardly trusted his ears. Did a soulless person move? Harry couldn't anyway so he figured it didn't matter. After another few beat of blackness and then Harry felt the presence of Voldermort beside him. He would have seized up in fear, if he could. The blurring of colours around his eyesight told him that Voldermort was leaning over his open glassy eyes. He heard the approximation of cruel laughter and a bright spell light coming towards him. It came so fast he couldn't even distinguish if it was red or green. It had no effect on him.

Voldermort must have realized this to, and another spell, even more furious and harder, streamed towards him, and connected without harry feeling anything. He felt someone kick him in the side of the body, but all it felt like was a soft breeze against his hip bones. It seemed like his spell was working. Harry hoped it would save him; help him escape Voldermort, just one more time.

Sirius had been stressing and nagging and winging and basically being a horrible house guest for the last few weeks. He couldn't help it. Harry had sent him a long angry letter about how badly he was being treated and that he wanted to leave straight away, that he was sick of everyone leaving cryptic codes, leaving him out of the loop. He had begged Sirius to take him from the dursleys for the last month of the summer. Sirius, however much he wanted to, was 'forbidden' by Dumbledore. How did Dumbledore suddenly have to power to keep him locked him away in his own house, away from his needy godson? Sirius, regretfully, had to send back a reply 'sorry, hang in there' He hadn't gotten another letter after that. Every day with a Hedwig-less sky since had gotten him more angry and frustrated. He wanted to pound Vernon, he wanted to ignore Dumbledore, and He wanted Harry back. Then, 2 weeks until the end of the summer, until Harry was due to come back to Hogwarts, Was when the unthinkable happened. It was a practically evening in Grimmald place, an order meeting in the living room, when Hedwig flew over to the window. Sirius could remember how he felt, shocked, wary and exuberant, that a letter from his Godson had arrived. Sirius leapt out of his chair and gripped the bird gently, unattaching the letter with excited fingers. He was disappointed at the size, only a torn section of parchment, and the short hasty harry scrawl. But he read it with greed all the same.

_Help, Lots of Dementors outside, come fast. _

Sirius read it twice through with wide eyes, then leapt in to action. "Harry's in trouble!" He yelled at the top of his lungs while grabbing his new wand off the side counter. Remus appeared at the top of the stairs with Tonks, McGonagall, Dumbledore, The Weasley's brothers and Mad-eye moody. Sirius was already making for the door when Remus grabbed his arm and pulled him back down into a chair. "What are you…?" "Read the letter! Quick!" Sirius ordered impatiently, "He's in trouble!" Arthur picked up the letter and when he read, he was decided too, and he grabbed his coat. "What if it's a ploy?" Mad-eye said gruffly, have already read the letter with his movable eye. "Hedwig wouldn't have brought it! You know that!" Remus countered. "They could have used a shape shift potion…." Sirius, overcome by worry for his godson, couldn't stand it any longer, "LETS GO!" he roared, rearing from the chair he had been restrained in. "Sirius, calm down, I have contacted all other order members they will meet us as soon as they can, we will apparate now." Said the no-nonsense voice of McGonagall. Molly had just forced the younger weasleys to stay home, only letting bill, Charlie, Fred, George and her husband to assemble by the door. A loud 'pop' resounded in the room, and 11 people re-appeared at number four privet drive.

Sirius was in the lead, head buzzing with worries, spitting profanities into the pavement. He was dreading what would happen if he didn't come in time. Memories of _that _day sprouted up in his mind and he crashed towards the door. The other members of the order noticed the musty cold feeling lingering and could tell harry wasn't lying, Dementors had been here recently. Fred and George jogged up to Sirius' side as he neared the door. They hammered roughly on the door. And disappeared. The order members behind rushed up to the door and Arthur carefully touched the wood. The sensation was as though a hook had been inserted through their navel and yanked them up and away from where they had been seconds ago. The door was a portkey. The rest of the order touched the portkey and disappeared.

Sirius opened his eyes in shock, Fred had latched onto his arm, and Sirius pulled the twins protectively behind him, reflex from aurors training. And Harry. He drew his wand, and took in the sight of the old country street, and the death eaters. They were clotted around like black clouds; some had turned at the new arrivals. Before Sirius could speak a spell, his wand was whipped out of his grasp, along with Fred and George's; one death eater lunged forward and grabbed Sirius' arms, pulling him forward. Sirius struggled and cursed, all the while searching frantically for any sign of his Godson. More pops were heard behind them and more wands and hostages were collected by the cloaked figures. Sirius tried to pry from the grip, getting desperate; he heard protests by the order members behind him. "Stop struggling, and we promise not to hurt you." The death eater holding Sirius sneered in his face. Sirius had no choice and slumped in the grip. What had happened to Harry, Sirius didn't think he could handle it if Harry was hurt or worse still…? "What have you done to Harry?" Remus yelled savagely to the death eaters, as he to, submitted to the power of his captor. There was a cold cruel laugh, and Sirius shivered, "can't give away the show!"

The order members were dragged and chained in a rough circle cutting through the street. Sirius was in the middle, staring at the small figure, carried by a group of burly death eaters. He knew it had to be Harry and so did the rest of the order. "Harry! Are you ok?" "Harry can you hear me!" "HARRY!" He wasn't moving and Sirius was steadily feeling sicker. He stared with cutting hatred to the sneers behind the masks huddling around his godson's body. They threw him to the ground carelessly as if he was a sack of potatoes. "OI! Be more bloody careful!" This was one of the twins beside Sirius. Then all the shouts and hollering, the sneers and taunts fell away. There was silent of the country lane, the grass swirling wetly under the darkening sky, the gravel digging into the knees of the prisoners on the road. Voldermort was here. He walked regally, slowly, as if savoring the moment on his tongue. Sirius felt sick just looking at him, snake-like, bloody pupils, he walked towards the venerable figure in the middle of the road, looked down at him, and smiled at him. He smiled at Harry. Sirius wanted to protect Harry from all the awful things Voldermort was saying, doing, from his very presence. He wiggled in his bounds, but they were uncooperative and cut into his skin. "Aaah, Harry Potter, It is so nice to meet you again, although this time is sad to be the final time. I have had fun, but I'm ready to end this. How about you?" Voldermort taunted and the death eaters laughed like good little slaves. Sirius tensed waiting for Harry's response; he was worried when he didn't move. "STAND UP!" Sirius waited again, but still Harry stayed unresponsive. Voldermort sauntered over to him, flicking his wand out into his hand like a lizards tongue, and leaned over his form. "Enervate." He hissed but still harry was still. Sirius saw a smile stretch over his pale snake-like face. "CRUCIO!" Sirius and almost all of the rest of the order shouted out simultaneously. "NO!" the waited for Harry's screams, it was silent. Sirius' heart started to race as he came to the last possible conclusion. Harry was dead. It seemed so impossible, so horrible, that Sirius' mind tried to reject the possibility but staring at the still form of his godson, it started to become a more likely possibility. Sirius felt tears slip down his cheeks. Voldermort, kicked Harry in the hip, hard, but still Harry didn't flinch. "Crucio! Crucio! Crucio!" Sirius buried his head in his hands, his whole world toppling sideways. Voldermort must have asked one of his death eaters to check for a pulse on his neck. Sirius held his breath, his only hope dawning. The filthy vermin crouched beside Harry and stick fingers to his neck. "Still got a pulse, my lord." Sirius let out a sigh of relief, maybe, just maybe. Harry could work through this. Voldermort thread his fingers over his wand, pondering, without warning, he flicked another jet of light towards harry. Cuts, of all shapes and sizes, blossomed on Harry's body, Sirius could see from here the steady drip of blood growing to a stream to a puddle to a petal underneath his head. Voldermort slipped his fingers in Harry's robe and pulled out Harry's wand. The spell was non-verbal but Sirius recognized it, to see what spell Harry last cast. Voldermort was also confused as to why Harry wasn't reacting to the spells. A small figurine of a stag popped up above the wand, the last spell Harry had cast was his patronus. So why wasn't he conscious? Voldermort paced back and forward. Then he stopped short and took a sharp intake of breath, coming to a conclusion. He kicked Harry onto his back and Sirius wanted to shout out to tell him to leave harry alone, but his voice was stuck in his throat. After another moment or so, Voldermort straightened out, and screamed. Sirius couldn't even tell if it was happy or angry, it was just so frightening that everyone cowered back, even his most insane death eaters. "Harry Potter has lost his soul to the death eaters. But I will kill him. I will get a different soul if I have to, but I will finish Harry Potter. He will feel pain burning through him."

Then the bounds disappeared and Sirius' vision became foggy. His mind was scurrying to catch up as he blacked out; trying to comprehend how such foul evil creatures stole his godson's soul.

Voldermort left fast. After shooting quite a few blinding spells, in which each Harry prepared to die, He yelled and screamed a bit, and disappeared. Harry was in shock, a pleasant, warm tingling feeling that made harry feel dizzy. He had done it again. He had defeated the dark lord. He would have done a success dance, if he hadn't been paralyzed. The need to laugh made his ribs ache and he felt as though he was floating weightless. That was, until, 11 extremely distressed order members ran up to him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer- I forgot to say that I own nothing of Harry Potter.**

**Thankyou to all the people who put this story on their alert list. This makes me feel so happy. I love reviews to! They actually do make my day special, so if you can spare half a minute of your time to review, I would be so thankful. Also, If anyone has any good Sirus and Harry Non-slash fics they have written or read, that would be amazing. (no one-shots please...) So, on with the story.**

Even before Sirius' vision cleared completely, he was on his feet, running. What he was running for he didn't remember until he saw Harry. Harry was lying with frozen eyes up to the sky, a loose ring of order members around him. Sirius dropped in front of him and instinctively grabbed his hand, his shoulders shook when the hand didn't fold itself around his and his eyes didn't curve upwards into a mysterious grin. That would never happen again. Losing your soul was always said to be worse than death. Sirius hunched his shoulders, his mind sending him an onslaught of images from when they lived together. After the tournament, in those last three weeks of school, Dumbledore gave permission for harry to live with Sirius. He said it would be beneficial to fight through what he had to endure in a place that wasn't a school environment, away from emotional attachments from Cedric. Those weeks were so much fun. Sure, Harry had nightmares at least twice a week, and they got really bad, but Sirius was grateful for how close they had come. Harry had no longer been James' son, the boy who lived, or a stranger to Sirius after those three weeks, he was Harry. Sirius remembered how Harry taught him how to play poker and card games with a battered set of playing cards summoned from the muggles next door. He how much they laughed. He remembered how they talked and had pillow fights after some of the more horrible nightmares. How they burnt everything they tried to cook in the kitchen and got flour in their hair. He remembered how they teased each other and argued about who won when racing with the old brooms outside. He remembered how they watched the stars and talked about everything trivial. That is what Sirius would remember, the trivial things. Harry's favourite fruit was blueberries, how he positioned his hair to cover his scar, how his eyebrows pinched up when he sneezed… Then it was gone, Harry was gone, for the summer to the dursleys and Sirius promised to pick him up early, before he went back to Hogwarts. But Dumbledore wouldn't let him. Dumbledore was convinced that the death eaters were suspecting this (having picked up the trend in previous years) and plan to target Harry during the switch over. Sirius agreed. He agreed! Now Sirius had lost him, completely, he would never be able to see Harry smile again; he could never hold his hand again. Sirius felt someone's warm hand on his back, and Remus beside him with shoulders hitching with sobs. Sirius only realized then that he was crying too. Loudly. He didn't care. Arthur picked up harry carefully and Sirius gravitated over, still clutching Harry's hand, still reeling over what was happening. Sirius hardly noticed as he was jostled through side-long apparition, and staggered to the grimy floor of his kitchen. Sirius heard yelling and crying, and Sirius suspected news of Harry's fall was being spread. Sirius pulled Harry onto his lap, tears drying on his cheeks. He felt numb, like he too had lost his soul and that he had nothing palpable to anchor him to reality. He stroked Harry's hair like he used to as he fell asleep again after the nightmares.

For a long time, an hour or so he suspected, he just sat there, perfectly still, pretending that Harry was only sleeping. Fred and George and Arthur had gone back to the burrow, Mad-eye back to his house and McGonagall back to Hogwarts. It was only Sirius, Remus and Tonks in the house. Remus and Tonks had been around lots in those three weeks to. They were dating and owned a small cottage wrapped in a complicated mix of shielding charms. Sirius spent a lot of his time there while harry was at the dursleys. He got so lonely without harry. Remus dragged Sirius, still clutching harry, to the kitchen where mugs. They sat on the tough wooden tables with faces in hands, crying.

After a little while, Sirius realized something. He realized that If Sirius has listened to Harry, he would be alive. It was his fault his Godson died. With this startling revelation, Sirius stood up on shaky legs, trying to free himself from the pain growing in his heart. He walked to the kitchen with fumbling fingers and tried to open the cork on the fire whiskey. Sirius needed an escape from the pain, an alcohol driven numbness would suffice. His fingers couldn't open the cork, because they were shaking so much and Sirius cursed brokenly. Remus tried to console him, and tried to take the bottle away from him, telling him not to drink now, now was not the time. Sirius snapped. He screamed and threw the bottle the floor; a million fragments of glass shattering on the floor, Sirius grabbed the chair and slammed it to the floor, watching the wooden legs on top of a puddle of amber fire whisky. Finally, his shouts turned again to sobs, Sirius slumped to the floor again, small pieces of grass had pricked his fingers and he wiped them over his teary face. Remus wrapped his long arms around the man, clutching his jacket as if he was trying to secure him to the ground. Sirius looked at his friend through bleary eyes. "It was my fault Remus; it was my entire fault that he's gone." Remus told him it wasn't true and that he shouldn't say that. Sirius knew it was. It was his fault. If he had picked up harry from privet drive before, he wouldn't have lost his soul. It was Sirius' fault again. Sirius looked back to were Harry's body was, where Tonks was holding him in her arms, closing the cuts Voldermort had caused, which had stopped bleeding hours ago, tears ran down her face too. Sirius felt a light fade inside of him, something that could never be fixed, slow to a stop like a giant dying engine. For a moment there, Sirius thought that maybe this was what those stupid love songs were about, that maybe this was what a breaking heart felt like.

Harry heard voices and sobs and someone grab his hand, he thought he could hear a weasleys brother shouting near his ear. Then he heard Sirius crying. It was a horrible sound, Harry had never seen Sirius cry before, and it was quite a reversal of roles. Usually Sirius was the one comforting Harry when he woke up with tears in his eyes, not the other way around. Of course, Harry couldn't even comfort Sirius anyway, with his body being frozen. He never regretted the spell, it had saved his life, but he wished everyone wouldn't think he was soulless until the spell wore off. The spell he had used was supposed to last 24 hours if done properly, Harry was almost certain his spell wasn't even a half full-strength, so he guessed it would take around 7 hours for the spell to wear off completely. A lot of people could be told about how soulless he was in 7 hours; a lot of people could grieve in 7 hours. He could still hear Sirius sobbing and he felt guilty for making him go through so much. He remembered how he had sent a long pleading note to leave the dursleys early, and how he hadn't sent another letter after Sirius sent back that he couldn't. Harry didn't even tell him he didn't blame him. Harry knew how hard it would be for him if Sirius lost his soul, he didn't think he could handle that, so he knew how hard it would be for Sirius.

At least it was only 7 hours, 7 hours was a long time, but it was better that 10 or 20 or even 24. Harry tried to think of the reaction he would receive when he revealed that he was actually alive to the order. He didn't know what to expect and how they would take it. He only knew that Mrs. Weasley would probably burst into tears and charge at him to hug him. Mrs. Weasley… Did that mean Ron would know too? And Hermione? Harry would have winced if he could, his best friends would be so upset. His thoughts drifted to Ginny. He didn't know why, but he had to admit he thought about her a lot in the holidays. He had never noticed before, but when he was lying awake at night, he decided she had beautiful coloured hair. He didn't think he would see her the same way anymore. He wondered how she would react when she heard he had lost his soul, for a selfish and unexplainable reason a small part of him hoped she would be really upset. He berated himself. Why wouldn't she be upset? She was like a sister to him, she must have felt… The loud and abrupt sensation and sound of apparition jolted Harry out of his thoughts. It took him a few moments to realize he was at Grimmald place, and almost when he did he had the feeling that he was being cradled in someone's arms.

For a long while Harry desperately tried to regain his senses, to no avail. Loud pops were heard from time to time, sometimes a group of pops at the same time. It grew steadily softer in Harry's near silent world, as the house emptied of occupants. Harry measured the time by the steady breaths he was not telling his body to breathe. Harry guessed almost 2 hours had gone past since he first cast the spell. Everything was just as it was as when he cast it, there were no signs that he was going to regain his senses anytime soon.

Harry was just starting to fight of the urge to fall asleep when he felt a lurch in his stomach signaling that he was being lowered to the ground. Harry had almost forgotten that someone was holding him that whole time. Harry waited for a few seconds, and then, he heard shouting. It was Sirius that was shouting, Harry could tell, and there was a loud smattering of crashes sounding near him. Another pair of arms wrapped around him. Then he heard the sobbing again, Sirius' sobbing and Harry felt his heart aching. He hated that he had to put Sirius through all this pain. Again Harry tried to move his fingers, or to blink, but it was no use. Harry wanted his senses back. He didn't think he could wait five more hours. What if… Harry had a horrible thought, What if the spell never fades? This worried him. What if he had lost Sirius forever? Never being able to tell talk to Sirius, never being able to have mock fights and race on brooms. Never being able to use his body again, never being able to talk or read or see or hear. Harry tried to banish the thought. In five more hours I will be fine. Harry tried to convince himself. But he had the strange feeling something would go wrong. The sobbing continued. He wanted to reach out to Sirius, to warp his arms around the man. Being not able to seemed to send a tiny hairline crack through his heart but Harry knew that even the smallest tear could break anyone's heart. Five more hours.

As soon as Arthur arrived home with his four sons, his family wanted to know what happened. Molly saw the twin's red rimmed eyes, and sat down holding a palm flattened to her chest. "Oh my god!" Arthur had to explain 3 times before Mrs. Weasley could understand correctly. "Oh my god! No!" She was crying, her tea in her mug growing stone cold in front of her. Ginny was standing paralyzed at the stairs, tears on her face to, her head in turmoil. Harry was the one who had saved her, the one she had always looked up to as a friend and something else… Ginny couldn't even save enough room to antagonize over whether Harry liked her _like that_ anymore, because he was gone and she could never see him again. Somehow, she was enveloped in her brother's arms, and she never really hugged her brothers before (in case they were trying to strap an experimental firework to her back) and they were nice and gentle and comforting. Ginny could tell her brothers were devastated. Harry was like their younger brother. "Where's Ron?" Fred asked his mum, with his voice unsteady. Ginny had to sob at how painful it would be for him. Mrs Weasleys voice also cracked as she talked "He's with Hermione darling, Dumbledore will… he will…" She broke down sobbing, pulling Ginny to her chest and putting her hands over the shiny red hair on the back of her head. "It will be ok." But how could it be? To Ginny, It seemed hopeless. Her heart was breaking for the pain Ron and Hermione would feel, and her own, which was all-consuming and painful. How could it be ok?

**Was the heartbreaking thing too cheesy? was Sirius' reaction believable, should he be more/less angry, upset, shocked? What do you think? The news is told to Ron and Hermoine next chapter. Also, your advice- should I include Remus' POV and Tonks POV too? what other perspectives would ou like to see? What would you like ot see more of/less of? Any constructive critism please write. **

**Reviewing really makes me smile, If you want to make someones day, spend 10 seconds clicing reviw and say if it was ok. I will love you for it. **

**xxx b**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: own nothing, if I did Sirius wouldn't have died.

ENJOY! Oh and thanks for the reviews, they make me motivated to write faster! Sorry again for all the spelling/grammar errors, I'll re-check tomorrow, It's nearly 2am and I just want to post it for now. The Hermione and Ron bit was the hardest to write. How did I go? Tell me your thoughts on those bits in particular if you can please review! xxx

After a while, Harry's sight regained. Blurry shapes slowly took their definite forms. When Harry was moved to the kitchen table, he could clearly see the time on the clock on the wall. It stated that it was 2am in the morning. As Harry cast a the spell, that paralyzed him, at around 9 in the evening, It has been about 5 hours since, and considering Harry expected to be free from the spell in no more than seven hours, and he still couldn't show any signs of independent movement… Harry was worried. On top of this relentless worry, Harry had a whole range of other nasty emotions eating away at him.

For most of the night Harry had to listen through Sirius, Remus, Tonks and the rest of the Order grieving the fact that he had lost his soul. Anyone would know that losing your soul is worse than death. Sirius, One of Harry's favourite people in the world, someone he relied on with his life, had been next to him, sobbing. Harry couldn't reach out to him to tell him it was OK and that he was fine. Harry had to endure the pain Sirius was suffering.

For the last hour or so, Sirius had been working desperately to regain his composure. Harry's long frame had been draped over his lap and he had faced the fire Remus had conjured. Sirius was perfectly still and didn't make a noise. Then, Sirius had to turn into Padfoot, Harry suspected it had to do with the pain, and felt the sensation of a hot blade through his stomach at Sirius' suffering. As Padfoot lay motionless, black furry head lowered in his paws, Harry had regained his sight slowly. Harry had been so excited. He had thought that he was taking large steps closer towards reuniting with all the people who had thought him to be soulless. Harry was wrong. His sight had returned but as hard as Harry tried to move, even the smallest movements evaded him. He couldn't even twitch or blink.

Seeing, it seemed, was worse. Harry could see a small segment of Grimmald Place, depending on where he was positioned, and could see in plain view the suffering of the people he loved. When Padfoot trotted over to him and rested his wet nose on his forehead, Harry could see Sirius' familiar eyes painted dull and dead under his underlining feelings. And when Remus had bundled his useless body and placed it on the kitchen table, Harry could count every tear rushing down his cheeks. When Tonks brushed her comforting hand over his forehead, he could see how pale her face was, and exactly how her vibrant purple hair drifted dull grey.

Harry's first guess had been that it would take seven hours for the spell to wear off, but if his first notion was correct, there would only be an hour and a half left of waiting, and Harry still couldn't move. Wouldn't the spell have already started to wear off already? Harry couldn't keep the worries out of his head. What if it never wore off? What if he was stuck like this forever? What if he was sentenced to a motionless life where he watched life pass him by? What if everyone believed him to be soulless until the day his heart stopped? But Harry knew he couldn't think like that, he couldn't handle those thoughts when he was already feeling so miserable. He had to be positive, and he had to be there for Sirius.

After being kept on the table for almost an hour, the hardwood tying his back in knots, the phone rang. Harry wouldn't have jumped in shock at the way it punctured the silence, if he could. The steady breathing, Remus he suspected, moved away with the sounds of footsteps, and answered the phone. "Yes?" He sounded so weary, so broken, and so old, that it shocked Harry. Then he started crying softly again. "Yes… Yes… OK… I don't know how to…" Remus' started sobbing. "Yes, Ok, Fine." Harry heard the sound of the phone clattering on the floor, followed by Tonks comforting Remus. Then, slow, deliberate footsteps padded closer from the other side of the room, Harry saw Sirius walk past his line of sight.

Harry could have cringed. Sirius looked terrible. His eyes were hooded and bloodshot and his figure drooped as he walked, his feet dragged and his mouth had screwed into a grimace. Tears still fell from his still, pale face. Remus stopped crying with a couple of watery breaths. "Sirius." Remus croaked. "The weasleys are coming. Molly, Hermione and Ron, They've just been told… They're coming over now." There was silence, and Harry wished he could tilt his head just a little, to see the faces of Remus and Sirius. Harry, himself, knew what facial expression he would have if his face wasn't paralyzed. Horror. That was what was rushing through his body, exuding his very being.

Molly really was like a second mother, Hermione was like his sister and Ron was his brother and his first ever mate. His best mate. These three amazing people thought him to be victim to a fate worse than death and Harry would have to watch as their shock and grief and sorrow. They would be coming any minute now, they would see his motionless body, and consider him lost from them forever. Sirius' footsteps were heard padding back to where he was before and a small sound signaling his animagus transformation. There was silence again.

THIS IS SO UNFAIR! Harry felt like screaming. It was as though he was shriveling up inside, he could feel each of his fingers but they wouldn't respond when he tried to move them. Why? This whole thing was wrong. It shouldn't be like this. It was so unfair. He thought of Sirius, powerless and broken and Harry couldn't help but feel like he had caused that. He had caused that dead look in his eye, He had caused Remus' tears, and He had caused everyone's hopelessness. And he didn't even know how to set things right. This tragedy had a mind of its own, snaking away like a poisonous vine, out of Harry's reach, out of Harry's control. He couldn't deal with the tears building up in the base of his throat.

Hermione laughed when she heard the news. It wasn't her usual laugh, it got stuck in her throat and it came out backwards. Actually, she didn't know why she did laugh. Usually, when someone hears that their best friend had lost their soul they don't laugh. Hermione briefly wondered how many other people have been told that their best friend had lost their soul, she wondered this as the laugh died in her throat. She wondered briefly after this why she had laughed. She came to the conclusion seconds later, just as she fainted. It was through disbelief that Hermione laughed when she heard the news, Harry losing his soul was so twisted and evil that it was difficult to comprehend. The other reasons Hermione laughed was that she had the feeling that she wouldn't for a while, and maybe she should, before everything she had established, the hold she had on life, crumbled. She laughed because she knew if she didn't, she would almost start to accept that one of the best things that have happened to her had left, that she was to continue more alone than she was yesterday.

Ron stood stock still. He had visited Hermione's house for this week and was just starting to grow familiar with a normal muggle's household. When he heard the news, the walls spun, like cards shuffling themselves out of order and he asked himself where he could possibly be. Where was he, who was he, what happened. Ron's mind was throbbing painfully, and his eyes watered from the pain in his head than from grief. He couldn't grieve yet, He didn't understand. What happened? His eyes had fixed where Bill had caught Hermione and lowered her to the cool kitchen tiles, but his eyes were unseeing. All he was at that moment was the confusion and disbelief that had grasped him. Because nothing made sense to him anymore, and his throbbing brain was struggling to remember what his dad had told him. What happened? The moment Ron was going through was similar to a spell he had been subjected to in Mad-eye-Moody's class last year. Celosia something, he couldn't remember the incantation, only the blackness… the unknowing. It was like Ron's mid was thick and swampy and unable to trek through. All he could think were questions, and they weren't helpful and were repetitive. What happened? Obviously something important, something that would change his life, but it could not have possibly been Harry losing his soul, that was impossible. Harry would always be there for him, and vice versa, Ron refused to believe that Harry would break his promise. That Harry would never see him again.

Sirius had to take time as Padfoot because everything hurt. He couldn't bear to look into those green eyes that looked so alive. Those eyes were a huge part of his life, a huge part of his life had been sucked dry and left cold and limp on his kitchen table. Numbness had started to take over his body, he never wanted to eat or sleep or move. All he wanted was for Harry to smack his hand away when he mussed his hair and for Harry to push him off the bed sleepily when Padfoot jumped on top of him in the morning. He wanted Harry to grumble under his breath at breakfast about how Sirius couldn't even cook a piece of toast right. Sirius wanted his Harry back. It was like a huge ocean had been put between him and the rest of the world, a large grey roaring ocean. He heard everything muted and colours had dulled around him. He wanted to scratch away the skin where a near constant stream of tears fell. Sirius sat numbly, horrified at his mistake. He had been the one to let Harry stay at the dursleys all summer. If he had been there when Harry asked, He would have lived. He would be sleeping soundly now. Sirius would never sleep soundly again.

One hour. Our hour until Harry thought he would be able to move again. It was 3am when The Weasley's stumbled through the front door, at four, Harry had presumed he would be able to move again. The first person who came up to him was Hermione. She gasped a painful breaking sound and flew at him. He felt her fingers dig into his arms and her shaking him. "Harry! Oh my God. Oh my God, no. Harry!" She took her wand out shakily, eyes dripping. "Enervate! Enervate! Reparo!" Harry knew how Hermione felt, trying to use what she knew, trying to fix what was broken. Reparo. She was trying to repair what had been shattered, like the vase they had first practiced on in first year. Broken into a million shards, but none were zooming together, magically binding into place. Hermione's efforts were fruitless, she slumped to the floor. Harry then realized he was crying.

Harry also found he could blink back the tears and he could breathe again, he could breathe beautifully uneven breaths. Harry could blink. He started to hope again. When he saw Molly, clutching Ron to her side, he blinked rapidly. "Remus, is he supposed to do that?" Molly asked thickly. Harry felt his heart fluttering when Remus leaned over him; he saw his weary face slacken to shock as Remus saw Harry blinking desperately. Remus yelped. Harry saw a circle of faces converge and hover around him, trying to figure out what the blinking meant. Harry felt Remus grab his hand. This was it; this was his chance to prove he was alive and fine. "Harry." It was the voice hardly daring to hope. "Can you hear me? Blink once for no, twice for yes." Harry could hear the collective breath being held in the room. Decisively, and in a matter no one could constitute as a coincidence, Harry blinked, twice.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: own nothing, if I did Sirius wouldn't have died.**

**Hope you like this, I wrote most of it while I was about to fall asleep, so sorry for any slips and if it's not as good/long as other chapters. I have started the next chapter already, and plan to upload as soon as I get some reviews. I won't want to upload more if I don't get reviews. So, anyway, ENJOY! xx**

As soon as Harry had blinked 'yes' to Remus' statement and clarified that he indeed could hear him, Sirius bowled Remus over. He used his shoulder in a manner so rough and urgent, that Remus stumbled quite a few paces from where he was previously. Sirius put his shaking fingers on Harry's cheeks and leaned over him facing him. "Harry, I'm so sorry. It's my fault! I'm sorry, God, I'm so sorry Harry. I'm sorry for not being there for you for not listening. I'm so stupid! This is my entire fault! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" Sirius continued in this way, and Harry could see exactly how his face screwed up every time he said he was sorry, like he was being slapped in the face, again and again. Sirius, with his pale fingers still pressed into Harry's cheeks, stared at him with the most pained expression on his face as if he was trying to evaluate how much Harry hated him. Remus spoke softly, interrupting Sirius' rant. "Harry, do you think this was Sirius' fault? Do you blame him?" Harry had never blamed Sirius and Of course it wasn't his fault. How could Sirius ever think something like that? Harry blinked once, no, and he felt Sirius take his hand in gratitude and relief. He still whispered apologies into his knuckles when Remus turned away though, and Harry rolled his eyes.

It took several long minutes for the situation to be explained to a hysterical Hermione and Molly and a confused, angry Ron. "He had just starting blinking then." Tonks clarified. Through this time Sirius continued to hold Harry's hand and talk to him. Then, a question from Hermione was far to pressing to ignore. "Will he be back to normal soon?" She had sniffed. Remus first looked at Hermione and then back at Harry. Remus asked him Hermione's question. Harry blinked twice again and first the first time that night, Harry heard the happy laughs, woops and relieved sighs of his loved ones. He would be fine. "Thank god!" Sirius squeezed his hand and Hermione and Ron hugged him. Harry was incredibly happy to note that he was safe and happy and all the people around him knew that Harry would hug them back soon. Although hugging someone was very far away from where he was now, he could only blink, breathe and move his eyes.

Once everyone got over their shock, they crowded around Harry's table and encouraged him to try and move. Sirius hadn't moved from his position holding Harry's hand at the side of his bed and the other order members crowded beside him. "C'mon Harry mate, try to wiggle your toes, just a little bit…" "Just squeeze my hand Harry; I know you can do it…" Harry tried centering all his energy on moving his fingers and his toes, but it was useless. No matter how hard he tried, Harry couldn't seem to make even the smallest twitch. His friends sure were persistent though, they continued their steady stream of encouragement while the sky outside was painted morning, pale pink and grey. Then, Hermione, Ron and Molly had to return to tell everyone the good news about Harry's survival. They left with loud pops, Harry even thought Tonks and Remus would leave, but they stayed by his side, Tonks positioned comfortably in Remus' lap, the tree of them hand butter beers.

"Try just one more time for us Harry, moving your hand…" Harry closed his eyes tight with the energy he was exerting, he tried to move his finger even the tiniest fraction upwards. It didn't work. Harry was starting to get annoyed, why wasn't it working? Sirius must have seen the sad look in his eye because Sirius muttered to him. "Don't worry, Harry, You'll get it soon." Remus and Tonks walked exhaustedly into the kitchen and Harry wanted to tell them to go to sleep, they shouldn't be staying up because of him. Remus slumped down in a kitchen chair and smiled. Tonks smiled at him wearily too, "I'm so glad you're alive harry." Harry rolled his eyes, trying to smile. Sirius stood up, joints cracking, and padded into the kitchen. "Me too, I was so scared, for so long I thought that you were actually gone, that I wouldn't have someone to annoy the hell out of me." Sirius said this in such a pained voice, bringing another butter beer back to his table and unscrewing it. Remus snorted and Tonks laughed at Sirius' description. Harry looked longingly at the bottle that Sirius was pouring into his glasses. What Harry wouldn't give for the familiar warming sensation right now. "Sirius, I think Harry wants something of that…" Remus chuckled, seeing Harry's gaze glued to the bottle.

Sirius smiled at smirked at Harry. "Help yourelf" Remus chuckled again. After a few moments, before Sirius drank his own, Sirius gave in and he poured the mixture down Harry's throat. Harry gulped it down greedily, earning laughs, and tried to drink as much as he could before Sirius pulled away. Just as he remembered, Harry felt warmth spread through him releasing him from the lingering smell of the death eater's presence, un-clenching his bones, making his vision blurry. It was different in a way too, it almost burned as it made his way down his throat and tasted slightly bitter, A lot had slid down his throat, it made him realize how tired he was. Harry's eyes drifted shut, and they almost glued together, Harry had the feeling that nothing was going to make his open his eyes of his own accord.

"Harry, are you alright?" Sirius asked carefully as he watched his godsons eyes stay shut. He couldn't bear the sight of Harry's eyes closed, it was too much like before, when he had been so cold and still. When Harry didn't open his eyes Remus cut across him before Sirius could stress too much. "He's exhausted, let him sleep." Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. Just sleeping, Harry was perfectly fine, Just sleeping. Sirius took the grimy glass to his lips. As soon as his glass was lowered and Sirius finished his gulp, he froze. And swore. Sirius jumped up frantically and grabbed Harry's shoulder, trying to wake him. "Sirius! What are you…! I told you that he was…" Remus scrambled over in confusion and pulled his hands away from Harry's sleeping form. "Moony! I've drugged my own Godson! This isn't just butter beer, It's spiked, heavily! You can _taste _the alcohol! Moony, I'm such a bad guardian!"

Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius earnest and worried expression and pulled him into a hug. "Sirius" He commanded, while looking directly in Sirius' eyes, Remus took a sip of the mixture, "It's not spiked heavily, It's hardly going to harm him and Sirius, you're the best anybody could ask for as a guardian, more than Harry could ask for, It's a tiny mistake… Don't worry." But as Sirius sat down wearily again and pressed his face into his hands, Remus knew it wasn't just this incident.

Sirius had harbored the blame for Harry's encounter with the dementors, even when Harry said he didn't blame him, He felt guilty for not taking in Harry when he was little, and tonight had been an emotional rollercoaster. Sirius had reached his breaking point. Realizing that he should be left alone, Remus patted him on the back and walk upstairs to find a bed to crash in. He could hear Tonks coming up the stairs behind him and as they separated on the landing, Remus kissed her softly goodnight.

Remus knew that he loved every person in this house, and he had just learnt how horrible it was to think you lost one. Remus smiled as he stared at the black ceiling in his room. They were the best family ever. Remus thought this just as he went to sleep.

Tonks couldn't help but blush in the darkness when Remus kissed her, she begged not to trip as she walked back into her room. When she fell asleep, she thought of Harry and Sirius and how they were the perfect combination. She thought of Remus and herself too, and how much liked it. She decided as she fell asleep, that the four of them had to stick together, she knew there were though times ahead, but she was ready. She was ready to fight.

Sirius was battling conflicting emotions. He mulled it over through the underside of a clean un-spiked butter beer bottle. He was disappointed in himself, he should have tried harder to rescue and protect Harry, but he was also insanely happy and scared. It was like Sirius had just gotten a taste of what loosing Harry would be like and he was finally painfully aware how easily he could be snatched from under his nose. Those few hours were long and torturous, how could he ever live through that again? For any longer? Sirius knew he had to be careful. Spiked butter beer wasn't that earth shattering, but what if it had been poisoned and Sirius had poured it right in his mouth, killing him. Sirius would never forgive himself. But Sirius was too happy about other things now, to dwell. His godson was alive and Sirius had been given another chance to protect him, be a good guardian, and a role model. Sirius could have danced for joy. Sirius also felt the fear too, fear that he would wake up and see Harry dead again, or Harry wouldn't wake up… Sirius shook his head. He found the butter beer scrambling his brain further instead of clearing it. For now, Harry was safe and happy, so Sirius was grateful.

Sirius took his godson carefully and placed him on the couch, wrapping him in blankets. Sirius hugged him once more, feeling his slight fame breathing softly. Sirius turned and walked into his room. He smiled, and his smile reached and stretched all the way over his face and it didn't disappear until he fell asleep. Sirius was so incredibly happy. He was walking on a cloud.

Harry awoke when he rolled onto the floor. Soft sunlight glared in his eyes and Harry groaned, pulling the blanket off the coach and pulling it over his head. Just as fast as he awoke, Harry fell asleep again.

Sirius woke up in the morning on his back and he quickly got his bearings. He was in his room on his bed, it was morning. Harry was fine. Sirius let out a large breath and smiled again. He seemed to be smiling a lot with Harry around. Sirius ran downstairs, only slowing to keep his mother undisturbed, to bound into the kitchen. Sirius knew well enough not to attempt to cook in case he burnt the place down, so he poked his head into the living room. Sirius got quite a shock when he saw the couch bare. Sirius rushed over. Where was Harry? Was he up already? Had he gone wandering? Sirius was about to check the house when a lump near his feet moved and groaned. Sirius laughed at the blanket covered figure moaning and turning.

Then, startling Sirius a few paces backwards, Harry sat up abruptly, light in his eyes. "I'm ALIVE!" Harry leapt into the air in joy at finally regaining his limbs and voice. He did a sort of victory tribal dance, spinning around dizzidly, jumping and leaping about. "I'm alive!" Harry chanted, wildly kicking his feet in a move that was a mix between the can-can and the moonwalk. At any rate, Harry's foot shot out and hit a lamp off the side table. Harry stopped dancing and chanting after it shattered to the floor. Harry looked around at Sirius guiltily. "Oops?"

Sirius blinked twice, in stunned silence. Last night, Sirius couldn't stop the nagging worry in his mind that Harry wouldn't be able to move and talk, or that Harry actually did lose his soul. Seeing Harry moving was a huge relief. If Sirius hadn't been so shocked at seeing Harry wake up so fast, He would be dancing beside him. As for the lamp, Sirius had broken fifty times more on purpose, he didn't care at all. Sirius wished he had somehow filmed the moment of Harry's wild, awful dancing. Sirius roared with laughed ,throwing his head back. "You are… the WORST dancer… ever." Sirius wheezed. Harry narrowed his eyes playfully. "and that's the reception I get for regaining use of limbs?" Sirius was overcome with emotion and gratefulness that his godson was alive that he actually thought he was going to cry again. He repressed it and swept his godson into a bone-crushing hug.

Together they danced around the room wildly, waltzing like they were drunk. Sirius collapsed on the couch and Harry sat crossed-legged on the table beside him, an uncontrollable smile on his face. "So… What's for breakfast?"

**Xx PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU WANT TO READ MORE FAST! If you make a huge review then I'll promise a chapter up super fast. Xxx REVIEW~!**

**Next chapter is very fluffy. There will be: Pancake making, Remus and Harry and Sirius bonding and maybe even some Ginny and Harry relationship development. Xx REVIEW before you click away, please… ?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: own nothing, if I did Sirius wouldn't have died.**

**I just wanted to make a massive thanks to two amazing people that wrote super long reviews for my last chapter**

**Samira parsa- Woah, I LOVE YOU! Your totally amazing! You have reviewed every chapter so far! You don't know how much this means to me! I think Harry is a bit more carefree/young in this fic, it works better for the Sirius guardian relationship. I am trying my best at fluff, but I can't promise anything, usually I just write angst and trials of depressing characters (lol how horrible is that?) so I can't make any promises that this is good, I hope the end clears up any questions, or maybe it is just more confusing, I don't know. Haha Also, the ending signals end of fluff and more angst (yay) Anyhoo, thanks for reviewing! Your super! **

**moo-girl- Thanks for your review too! You brightened my day! I have put some Ginny and Harry in this to make you happy, and there will be heaps more when Harry goes back to Hogwarts (in the next couple of chapters) Hermione is not really here that much, mainly because I don't like her. **** lol. Harry is just about to start fifth year in this story, this fic started just after Harry was attacked by dementors at the start of the fifth book. Sirius and Harry had become really close during a few weeks off Harry had after the Tri-wizard tournament in fourth year. THANKS AGAIN FOR YOUR REVIEW! Keep it up! **

**If you want to see your name here, you know what to do, review! Xxx Enjoy the story**

Remus was awoken by a weight on his leg bouncing uncomfortably. Remus grunted trying to push Sirius away from his bed. Sirius was just like a child sometimes. "Remus!" Remus stiffened that wasn't Sirius' voice. Remus quickly replayed yesterday's events in his head, ending with Harry asleep and unmoving, now he was talking and bouncing on his legs. Harry was OK. Unless Remus was dreaming…

Sirius watched from the door of Remus' room how fast his friend shot up from bed. He smiled softly when Remus hugged Harry and didn't even push him off the bed. Remus loved Harry too.

"Remus, can you please, please, make pancakes? The really nice ones extra choc chips and blueberries?" Harry gave him his best puppy-dog eyes. Remus' pancakes were amazing, but he only made them on select occasions, the first time was the morning Harry first stayed after the Tri-wizard tournament. Harry and Sirius had begged and pleased the whole rest of the holidays for him to cook them again, but he resisted until the morning before Harry had to leave, to cheer him up. Remus contemplated, and then finally relented. "Fine. You owe me." Harry whooped with joy, loudly and flung his arms around the werewolf.

"AARG! What's happening!" Tonks had raced to the door, wand drawn, pink hair sticking up in all different directions, thinking that something was wrong. She relaxed when she saw no danger and brightened considerably when she saw Harry. Harry was going to embarrass Remus so badly in revenge for Remus and Sirius teasing his about Cho last year and how hard it was for him to find a dance to the Yule Ball. Yeah, Remus definitely needed to watch out Harry thought. Harry saw Remus and Tonks smile sideways at each other while they made the pancake batter and how his eyes travelled to her face when he thought she wasn't looking. Remus had a crush!

Harry snorted and pointed out his findings to Sirius. "Remus has a crush, Remus has a crush!" Remus and Tonks blushed furiously and Sirius laughed, his face creasing up into laugh lines that had been forming from all the time Sirius spent out of Azkaban. Remus spluttered indignantly. Harry laughed alongside Sirius, dodging out of the way when Remus tried to grab them. Tonk's hair was flashing a million different colours a minute, her face creased up in confusion, embarrassment… and jealousy? "Remus has a cruuush!" Sirius trilled and he sounded so off pitched that Harry burst into another fit of giggles. Remus had forgotten about the pancakes and was stumbling through awkward sentences still blushing.

SPLAT

Laughter stopped when an egg was thrown across the room and landed squarely on the back of Sirius' head. It shattered, and bits of broken eggshell stuck in his shaggy black hair and gooey egg whites and yellow yolk dripped onto his shoulders and down his face. Remus, stood behind the kitchen counter, a victorious expression on his face, hand still raised from when he had thrown the egg. Remus had good aim. That egg raised the start of a food fight and the four occupants of the house threw all the pancake ingredients on the kitchen counter, at each other in a full scale war. Sirius grabbed a couple more eggs and threw them wildly; one landed on Tonks and she retaliated by pegging a handful of chocolate chips towards him. Harry was nimble and fast, dodging the wild showering streams of flour and pelted eggs. He was relatively unscathed while Sirius was coated in yolk, Remus was white as a ghost in flour and Tonks had clumps of sugar and honey in her hair.

Harry being allies with Sirius didn't expect it when Sirius dumped the whole mixing bowl of mixed pancake mix on his head and it dripped in thick rivulets down his face and shoulders. Harry sunk down the side of the kitchen counter gripping his sides in laughter. He watched Sirius and Remus tackle each other playfully onto the couch.

Suddenly the door flew open and in charged a frazzled group of Weasleys. Ron, Molly, Arthur, Fred and George and, Harry felt his face flush, Ginny. Everyone rushed over to hug Harry, Molly hugged him so hard Harry thought his lungs might have been punctured. "We were so worried! Everything is all right now though…" Mrs. Weasley took a few deep steadying breaths. "What in the world happened here!" She gestured to the walls and floors which were dusted with flour, sprinkled with chocolate chips and blueberries and slippery with puddles of milk, egg, water and melted butter.

Remus explained the mess while Ginny came up to Harry. Unlike everyone else, she stayed a few paces backwards, and Harry scrambled to stand up. Unthinkingly Harry reached up to touch his hair but pulled his hand away when he felt it unpleasantly sticky. Harry blushed. "Er, hi Gin." Ginny laughed nervously. "I'm really glad you're ok, I was so… scared." Harry felt his heart expand and he was about to reply when Sirius' voice boomed over into the conversation. "No, stay for breakfast! Moony was just making pancakes…"

The Weasleys stayed for breakfast. Mrs. Weasley helped Remus make a massive new batch of pancakes to feed all the new guests. The table had to be transfigured longer to fit enough chairs for everyone to fit, and Harry summoned extra chairs. A massive tottering pile of golden famous choc-chip blueberry pancakes was served to each person. Harry sat next to Ron and Fred and he had to refrain from drinking his pumpkin juice multiple times so it wouldn't come out his nose when he laughed.

He joked with Fred and Ron and slowly made his way through the huge plate of breakfast. Ginny sat almost directly opposite him and Harry would catch himself stealing glances at her, and catching her eye. He would look away quickly and feel a warm tingly feeling rise in his stomach when ever this happened. He could see Sirius down the end of the table talking and laughing with Remus and Arthur, looking 5 years younger. Harry could swear, with the Weasleys around him, those pancakes were definitely the best yet. He would have to remember to thank Remus.

"Oi, Harry!" Fred hissed and pulled his closer to whisper into his ear. Discreetly, Fred slipped a small rectangle, the shape and size of a matchbox, into Harry's pocket. Fred grinned toothily, and Harry knew that he had just been given a huge trove of Weasley Wizard Wheezes. "Just enlarge it later, when Mum isn't looking." Harry smiled at Fred, and realized that Harry thought of him as a big brother.

Ron was in the best spirits Harry had seen him in ages. He laughed loudly, and chatted excitedly about random subjects so fast Harry had to lean closer to catch every word. Suddenly Ron mentioned something that made Harry's eyes widen, in a week he would be going back to Hogwarts, it would be September 1st. Harry was naturally excited to go, but looking over at Sirius, who was wolfing his way through his pancakes at top speed, and Remus, who was poking him and telling him to, 'slow down' Harry couldn't help but feel like he wanted to stay with them just a little longer. He would miss them so much when he went back to Hogwarts.

Breakfast finished at lunchtime, and a stack of dirty dishes were piled in the sink. The couch and the tables had been pushed to the wall and Ron, Ginny and Harry lay on the floor facing the ceiling. Harry felt so peaceful, full and sleepy, lying on the soft carpet. The adults were talking in the opposite room and the twins were sprawled on the couch. Fred was flicking a coin in the air, and each time he caught it, his hair would change a different colour. Ginny was lying so close to Harry that it made his throat go dry. Ginny looked over at him, with beautiful wide eyes, and Harry had the sudden impulse to lean forward, just a little closer, and tuck that red fly-away hair behind her ear, She faced him, her breath was quick and sharp and Harry was sure that she could feel the sudden tension that had settled in the room… "TIME TO GO CHILDREN!" Mrs. Weasley burst into the room and gathered her children's hands in her own. "Mum! Can we stay a little longer?" this was Ron, who pulled his hand away from his mothers. Ginny stayed quiet and looked the other way. The twins and Ron finally trooped out behind their mum, after saying final goodbyes. Ron slapped Harry on the back on his way out "Promise to owl us, mate." Finally, the house was quiet again and Harry trooped into the kitchen.

It was almost 6:30 and Remus was shouting at Sirius. "There is no food in this house!" Sirius got such a shock that he fell off the chair he had been swinging on. "How is that my fault!" Tonks, who was also scrambling through the shelves and cupboards for any food for dinner, threw him an exasperated look over her shoulder. "You ate it all! Now we have no dinner." Harry offered dinner ideas. "How about some scrambled eggs?" Sirius snorted and reminded that all the eggs had already been thrown across the room that morning. "Cheese on toast?" Harry asked. Remus grunted, pulling out a moldy, damp sack of potatoes and vanishing them in disgust. "No cheese, no toast." Harry made a face. "What about… Pizza?" Harry was met with 3 pairs of confused eyes. "What in the world is that? I really don't think we have any of that." Harry laughed at their cluelessness; he was excited to introduce them to one of the outstanding things about being a muggle. Harry walked over to the phone and dialed the number he remembered from the catchy commercial ads while he was with the dursleys. "Three large pizza's please."

Half an hour later, Harry, Sirius, Remus and Tonks were sitting cross legged on the kitchen floor half empty cardboard pizza boxes in front of them. Harry had just watched, with an awed expression on his face, Sirius consume slice after slice of pizza, until Harry didn't know how he didn't explode. One werewolf, convicted murderer and pink haired witch all stared at the boy who lived in wonder after trying pizza for the first time. Remus studied the ham and pineapple triangle with scrutiny. "This is amazing…" he kept muttering to himself. Tonks had pulled apart the slices carefully; trying to see what was inside them and ate it starting from the crust backwards. Harry couldn't help but laugh.

Once the pizza boxes were cleared away, Sirius looked at Harry from where he was sitting on the couch with a look that demanded answers. "What happened last night?" It took Harry's mind to wrap around the concept of the attack happening last night, it seemed many months before, so much had happened since, it was as though Harry's life was stuck on fast-forward. "I was in my room and I saw dementors down the street. I wrote an owl to you and repelled them. When I got back to the house and Vernon had started yelling, a death Eater broke in and kidnapped me." By this time, Remus and Tonks had eagerly leant forward, listening intently. "How did they break the wards around Harry's house? Unless of course… But that could still mean…" Remus muttered to himself. Sirius shushed him impatiently, signaling Harry to continue. "I arrived in that old lane and I got the idea that Voldermort couldn't harm me if I was dead… So I thought, that maybe, it would be the same if I was soulless, and he would leave me alone… I thought that he would think that killing me without a soul isn't really killing… and he would leave if he thought I had no soul." Tonks, eyes bright with anticipation, interrupted the story. "You cast a spell on your self didn't you? A full body bind?" Sirius shushed her and Tonks scowled. "Celosia depraver." Remus was the only one in the room that could identify the spell. "Of course! That would explain everything, why you couldn't talk or move until it wore off." Remus continued to look thoughtfully and Harry could almost see the clogs turning in his brain and it almost gave Harry a headache. "Then why didn't the spell show up on your wand, if you cast it?" Sirius' question made Harry's brow furrow, how **had **that happened? "Well, I can't remember saying it with a wand; I think I just said it…" Sirius still looked very confused. "Wand-less magic? I'll have to ask Dumbledore about that…"

Suddenly, Remus gasped. "Celosia Depraver? Oh no, this is bad. This is really bad…when did it wear off again?" Remus swore loudly, and Sirius knew that what was worrying Remus was huge and very serious. Remus looked up with pained eyes. "The Celosia Depraver spell doesn't make someone immune to pain, it just propones it." Sirius couldn't help but remember every kick and crucio fired at Harry that night. "You are going to feel every spell you didn't feel last night, soon. Actually, at any moment now."

**Xx PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU WANT TO READ MORE FAST! If you make a huge review then I'll promise a chapter up super fast. Xxx REVIEW~!**

**Next chapter it's drama again. Harry feels the effects of all the crucio's Voldermort sent at him (read back to chapter 1) and Sirius worries (duh) **

**xx REVIEW before you click away, please… ?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: own nothing, if I did Sirius wouldn't have died.**

**If you want to see your name here, you know what to do, review! Xxx Enjoy the story**

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It took Sirius a while to comprehend what was going to happen. Too much time, valuable time. When he did, he jumped up so abruptly and took Remus' shoulders and pushed him against the wall more harshly than he intended. "Cast the spell again!" He ordered. He was referring to the Celosia Depraver, which had saved his godson from the pain the time before. Sirius shook him, desperate. Sirius knew that Harry could fall to the ground screaming at any moment.

Sirius could remember what the a crucio felt like, as soon as it had happened to you once it settles into your bones and you have a particular certainty that nothing will ever be that painful. Harry should never have to go through that pain. Sirius recounted his time watching the fallen figure of his godson in the lane and Voldermort, that evil bastard leaning over him, casting spell after spell on him. "Crucio! Crucio! Crucio!" There had been so many, so many that, at the time, didn't affect Harry. They were going to hurt him now.

If there was one thing Sirius would never want to see again was Harry getting hurt. Sirius, would do everything in his power to never see that happen again. He would stop this spell so Harry wouldn't have to feel the pain, he would try and shield him from whatever happens. Sirius would listen to him, that was where he had failed him last time, and he would make everything better.

Remus hesitated, face screwing up, taking time to consider his wording. Time they didn't have, Sirius felt like there was suddenly an invisible clock above his head, counting down to a certain number he didn't know. Any second it could happen. Harry could be in incredible pain and Sirius would break his promise.

"It would just postpone it again, and come back again later, but more concentrated, painful." Sirius looked around wildly, as though the dank, dull walls of the house he hated held the answers to his problems. "Then give him a potion, cast a different spell, so he won't feel them." Before Sirius had even finished Remus shook his head. "Nothing can numb the pain of the crucio, there are options for the after effects but nothing that could ever…" Remus trailed off. Sirius ran his fingers though his hair in frustration and in reaction to the tidal waves of emotions.

Tonks was standing a few paces behind the two men, struggling to catch up. Usually, she was bright and fast at understanding concepts, but it seemed so unfair for fate to make Harry suffer. She was the first one to see Harry was crying.

As soon as Harry understood the news, he backed away to the wall, huddling up into a ball. He didn't think he could deal with a crucio again. He could remember exactly how it had felt in fourth year; the pain was everything his reality was. It was so complex and blinding it was a million times worse than anything Harry had experienced before it. Harry could hardly stand the suspense, at any moment, he could feel it again. He could feel it wrap its arms around him, suffocating…

Harry felt tears leak down his cheeks, but he couldn't care, all he could think about was the pain he would soon feel, the pain that hung over him like a blade, ready to drop at any moment. Every breath was painful, his whole body was tense. The pain could not be stopped. It was a given part of his future. There was no way to stop it; it would come for him again and again. He knew Voldermort had sent the torture curse multiple times at him. He would feel each one with vengeance.

Harry rocked back and forth, his arms wrapped around his legs which he brought to his chest. The pain would come and he would have no warning, no sudden stream of light no curse, nothing. Just the wait. Every second was closer to the moment when the curse would catch up with him; it was chasing him, coming closer and closer. It was easier to handle the spells in battle, there was adrenaline in your blood, you could doge and jump. You could escape the pain. Here, in his Godfather's old regal house of off white walls, he couldn't hide, he couldn't fight, and he couldn't escape. He was trapped, and so afraid. He felt like the fear of what was going to come was freezing him. Make him incapable of moving, except the disjointed rocking back and forth and the quiet sobs coming from somewhere in his chest.

He wasn't ready for the crucio.

Sirius saw his Godson slumped against the wall and he felt the edges of his hope crumbling. He didn't have time to go over and comfort him; he only had time to take away the pain. He would do anything to take the pain away. Sirius looked back at Remus and saw him looking heart brokenly at Harry. Sirius grabbed Remus' chin to make him look him in the eye. "Transfer the pain to me." Remus' eyes went wide and his mouth opened, and Sirius knew that he could, Remus knew a spell to transfer the crucio. Sirius knew the pain of the crucio, he would take it for Harry, if he didn't he would regret not taking it and watching Harry writhe in pain… "Do it!" Sirius barked, trying to seem firm, but inside he was withering, slipping, knowing he was exiling himself to torture. He had to submit to it quickly before he lost his nerve. Picturing Harry screaming and knowing he could separate that fate from Harry, Sirius drew his strength up to ask with conviction. "Transfer the pain to me."

Harry jerked his head up fast in reaction to the words Sirius spoke. He brushed off Tonks warm and comforting arms, which had gone stiff at hearing Sirius' request, and stumbled unsteadily to his feet. Harry could still feel the wet tracks on his cheeks, but he steeled himself so no more could seep from his eyes. "No" It was weak and horrified that Sirius would ask such a thing. How could Sirius ask such a thing? The pain was for Harry, and he was sick of people getting hurt because of him, dying because of him. He couldn't let that happen anymore.

Harry couldn't just sit there and watch Sirius fall victim to the curse that was supposed to be his. He couldn't let someone take an unforgivable for him, take a curse for him. He couldn't bear that. Even though the crucio would be excruciating, Harry was crying because he knew he had to take it. He couldn't let anyone else take the pain for him. He knew that by crying and not being strong about it, Harry was making Sirius feel like he needed to take it for him, to protect him. Harry hated that Sirius felt like this, hated himself for causing this and loved Sirius so much because he would do that for him. Harry loved him, so the thought of Sirius taking the unforgivable for him was too painful to accept.

"No! NO!" Harry finally yelled, and Sirius finally looked over at him with his eyes a pool of emotions. "There isn't enough time Harry!" Sirius said it harshly, but Harry could hear his voice shaking. Sirius turned back to Remus and grabbed his hand. "Do it! Do it now!" Remus was still shocked and he backed away from Sirius, shaking his head. How could he do something like that to his friend?

Sirius turned to Tonks. "What's the spell Tonks?" He tried to ask evenly but his voice shook still. Tonks looked horrified that she was brought into the fight. "I… I don't know it…"

Sirius looked back at Remus. "Please, Moony, please, we're running out of time! Do it for Harry! Harry shouldn't have to go through this." Sirius was starting to feel a new kind of desperation, to help his godson. He was no longer scared of the pain, or not having enough nerve to go through the transfer, but that it would be too late. Sirius was supposed to protect Harry. He realized that he would take the pain to save Harry from it. Gladly. But he didn't know the spell, only Remus did, and if Remus didn't tell him, it would be too late and Sirius wouldn't be able to protect his Godson.

Before Remus could answer Harry barged between the two marauders. "I should decide! It's my choice, and I say you can't do this!" Harry defiantly looked in the marauders eyes. "I won't let you!" Sirius was panicking, expecting any second to be when Harry feels the curses. Remus must have felt like this too, Harry saw the regretful look Remus shot him before he shot a stunner his way. The red beam of light connected directly to his chest and froze him away. Harry blacked out.

Harry was awoken and found himself lying on the floor with Remus, Tonks and Sirius around him. Harry tried to remember what happened. Had Remus really stunned him to cast the spell? Harry dazedly looked up at Sirius and Remus. 'Did you…?" Did they already cast the pain spell transfer? Was Sirius going to have to experience the pain instead of him? Harry prayed that they would shake their heads, but they didn't, Remus looked guilty, and Sirius nodded, yes. Harry felt a surge of anger rise within him. Why had they restrained him like that, taken away his free will and cast a spell on him while he was unconscious? Harry was angry and scared at what Sirius had to go through now. It was never Sirius' problem, why had he done this? What had he done!

Remus cast a stunning spell at Harry, wincing as he did so, and then turned to Sirius. Sirius breathed a sigh of relief and hugged his friend loosely. "Cast the spell, moony, do it." Remus looked like he was about to cry. What should he do? He was stuck in such a difficult situation, all he knew was that someone he loved was going to go through a lot of pain. Shakily, Remus raised his wand. "Are you sure?" Remus knew he was stalling, he was hoping that Sirius would say no and that he wouldn't have to commit such an awful fate to his friend. Sirius took a sharp shallow breath. "Get on with it." He said stiffly, as if he was scared to open his mouth to wide. Remus uttered the incantation and waved the complex wand movement, transferring any pain Harry would feel, unto Sirius, sentencing him to the pain of the crucio's. When it was finished, Sirius slumped and Remus couldn't tell if it was in relief, regret or because of the huge burden that had been lowered onto his shoulders.

Harry lunged at Remus. Harry's brain was clouded with a haze of anger and hurt at the situation. Harry tried to punch every part of skin he came in contact with. It felt good, to release all his anger, he felt it draining. Sirius grabbed him back and onto the ground again, and Harry unclenched all his muscles. Harry wasn't really angry at Remus. Sure, what he did was stupid and unfair but his intentions were good, and they were only saving Harry from pain. Harry was angry at Voldermort and what he had wrecked.

Harry had been eating Pizza with the four people that harry considered his mismatched, weird family of sorts, and Voldermort had wrecked that with his curses. He was causing pain everywhere, and to everyone. Harry hated Voldermort so much that it ached inside of him, it ached so much that Harry wanted to cause Voldermort as much pain as possible. It was his entire fault.

Sirius held back his godson and continued to hold him as his breathing slowed and he calmed down. Remus was running his fingers through his hair and swallowing loudly in a dry throat. Harry looked up to him and apologized feeling embarrassed and guilty. Remus was about to reply when a scream stopped him in his tracks. The crucio's were being felt, they had arrived with vengeances, delayed fire running through veins. Remus was momentarily confused as he crouched down by the writhing victim in horror. Remus had cast the transfer spell and Remus had been sure it would work. So why was Harry the one on the floor screaming as the torture curse ripped through his body? Why wasn't it Sirius?

These questions didn't matter anyway; what mattered was the almost inhumane screams of the boy he considered a son and how they ripped Remus in places he had never felt. What mattered was that Harry's scar was bleeding, sending a large river of red down Harry's temple and seeping onto the floor, creating a petal-like puddle, that if you squinted, looked like wings. Wings that Harry could use to fly away and escape. But Remus knew that Harry couldn't escape, he couldn't fly away, because somehow his spell hadn't worked, Harry couldn't use his blood wings because Remus had failed when he cast that spell. Remus had failed him, and by looking at Sirius' tormented face, he knew he failed Sirius too.

Harry wasn't expecting the pain. Against his will, Sirius was meant to be feeling the pain, so he wasn't expecting the experience of a train running through him, colliding with his organs and setting them on fire. He was unprepared. It was agonizing, more agonizing than he remembered it being. It was torture. It seemed to be centaury's after Harry was released from the curse, and even when he did he continued shouting hoarsely afterwards. Finally Harry fell silent, not even having any control over his own body. He felt sore spots on his back where he writhed and bucked against the floor and his breath constricted in his throat. He saw black spots enlarge on his vision.

Harry could also hear crying, Sirius. Shaking hands were placed on his cheeks. "It didn't work, it isn't working!" Sirius was crying in horror. For Sirius, watching Harry in pain was agony. Why was Harry suffering? Harry only got a few seconds peace before he was screaming again, bringing his finger nails to his forehead, biting his lip, drawing blood.

Sirius was sprawled on the floor next to him, trying to use calming words, and crying. Tonks was becoming frantic as Harry's screams became less sharp, and more inhumane. "He has been subjected to it for too long!" Tonks knew what the torture curse could do to people after extended time periods. Tonks was worried for Harry.

It seemed like hours later when Harry suddenly was breathing again, the curse had finished. However, Tonks wasn't dumb enough to think that the torture was over. She knew there was much more to come.

Harry seemed to be pushed back into the wall, hitting his head, by an invisible force, and then Harry flipped and flopped blindly on the floor like a fish out of water. It was the scariest thing any of the adults had ever seen. His screams and pants punctured the night again and Sirius felt himself hyperventilating, crying out, and begging. "Oh, God please!" Sirius felt a ripping sensation in his chest as tears dribbled down his cheeks. Remus grabbed Harry's hand, crying while the screams continued. Blood was on the floor and on Sirius and Remus' hands, Sirius felt the blood under his fingernails, and felt sick.

When Harry's screaming stopped, Sirius knelt beside him. "Harry? Harry!" Sirius held his breath for the moment when Harry's body was motionless. Then he groaned lightly, his eyelids flickering to reveal bloodshot green and Sirius released his breath in relief. "Harry, oh Harry. My god…" Sirius pulled Harry into his arms, like a child. Remus soon covered the pair in a blanket. Harry didn't seem to be willing to talk; Sirius could see his eyes drooping. Sirius gently lowered Harry back on the couch and he knelt beside him, stroking him hair. Remus and Tonks were beside him, watching Harry's chest rise and fall peacefully. At some point after, Sirius could have thought he heard Remus and Tonks tiptoeing upstairs, but he was already blacking out, vision blurring.

Sirius Black fell asleep in an awkward hunched position, the top part of his body lolling on his Godson's legs. Both were breathing heavily, warm and peaceful and, in Harry's case especially, perfectly safe.

**Xx PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU WANT TO READ MORE FAST! If you make a huge review then I'll promise a chapter up super fast. Xxx REVIEW~!**

**Next chapter: Sirius, Remus and Tonks care for Harry in the aftermath of his 'torture session' and Dumbledore personally delivers the start of term letters and Owl results. A WEEK UNTIL HOGWARTS! **

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	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: own nothing, if I did Sirius wouldn't have died.****  
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**I kind of changed this chapter, a lot. There is a lot more angst, so there is no room for Hogwarts letters and Dumbledore. I will push that aside for later (I don't know what I meant when I wrote about OWL results, I think I was going crazy, in this fic fifth year hasn't even started, so sorry for going insane on you) I am really excited on you reading (and reviewing… hint) this chapter, I got tons of inspiration randomly, and I want you to tell me what you think about the plotline.**

The next morning, Sirius awoke with a cramping back and a stiff neck, but he still shot up out of his hunched sleeping position and sent his eyes directly to Harry. Harry was lying on his back with his eyes closed on the couch, and Sirius brushed his hands softly over Harry's face. Harry's eyes opened. They were Lilly's green, except they were emotionless and held a terrifying detachment Sirius must not have seen in the dark the night before. It looked as though he was sleeping with his eyes open. "Harry?" Harry opened his mouth slightly open, and jerked his limbs uncoordinatedly his hands flung themselves to his throat, as though he had something stuck in his throat. Sirius' eyes widened and he called to the other occupants of the house. "Remus! Tonks!" It wasn't loud, but they both rushed in at how urgent it sounded. "Harry?" Sirius tried again, prizing the boy's hands away from his throat. Harry sat up slowly, shaking from head to toe with an unseen effort. Sweat glistened on his forehead. Unexpectedly, Harry's arm came backwards, and then, shot forwards, punching Sirius in the jaw, hard.

Sirius tumbled off the couch in shock, clutching his jaw in confusion; he clambered back up, and saw Harry being restrained by Remus and Tonks. Sirius saw a murderous rage in his eyes looking straight at him. Harry was huffing and his fists clenched and unclenched, white knuckled. Why had Harry punched him? Sirius, still clutching his painful jaw, felt a sudden unbearable coldness settle inside him. It looked, and felt, like Harry hated him. Remus slowly released his hold on Harry when he seemed to go limp in surrender. Harry rocked forward on his knees, head down, still breathing heavily.

Sirius' mind was racing. Why? Why did Harry hate him? Then, Sirius remembered, he came to the only conclusion that made sense. Harry hated him because he didn't protect him from the crucio's, Sirius hadn't taken them like he should have, and Sirius didn't protect him after all. Sirius moved closer to the boy, feeling awful. "Harry… I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to… It's not my fault and I didn't know that the spell wouldn't work."

At the end of Sirius speech, Harry lunged again. The attack was so unexpected, that Sirius didn't even have enough time to defend himself. Harry, with surprising strength for someone who had been tortured the night before, rained punches and kicks onto Sirius, landing on top of him, and the pair toppled off the bed. Remus and Tonks intervened, pulling Harry off as he was still kicking and flailing wildly. Harry swore loudly, a string of colorful swear words, that made eyes of the werewolf and metamorphous, that were holding him back, widen. Sirius was too shocked to process anything Harry said, he was sure that his lip had spilt, and his shoulder was aching sharply, and he still held his jaw where the first punch had landed. Sirius breathed out sharply, the pain of the punches was quickly overcome by the pain of Harry wanting to hurt him. Harry wanting to hurt him made his eyes sting uncomfortably. Sirius also felt angry, under all the hurt, Sirius had done his very best to protect him, he had been willing taking the pain for Harry, he thought he had taken the pain from Harry. Sirius had done everything he could for him and Harry was punching him. Sirius knew he was hopeless for not testing the spell, but he didn't think he deserved the bruise that would appear on his face. Did he deserve that?

Sirius' brain was a muddled mess, he couldn't think straight. He looked at Harry, the person he would love despite everything, he watched him back in his kneeling position again and Sirius had the feeling that Harry was struggling to fight the urge not to punch him again. Later he would figure out he was right. Sirius saw Harry breathing heavily, and watched him grunt and spasm his body forward. Sirius took a step back, expecting Harry to attack him again, but Harry's hands moved up to his own head and grabbed it, pressing fingers into the temples and the forehead and the skull. Sirius watched Harry grunt again and was too far away to catch him when he fell sideways and cracked his head loudly on the floor.

Harry woke up in the morning to a beautiful foggy blur inside his head and a voice. At first, Harry welcomed the voice into his mind, feeling peaceful with the weight on his Godfathers head on his legs, hair tickling his knees. Harry enjoyed the feeling of numbness all over his brain. The weight on his legs lifted and Harry felt fingers over his cheeks. Then the voice spoke and everything changed. _Open your eyes _The voice he had thought to be harmless become sinister as soon as it spoke in his head. It was an awful voice and he felt his mind slowly become contaminated by the sound of it. Harry was so sickened by the voice that he didn't even realize his body had obeyed the voice, and he had opened his eyes without even thinking to.

Harry became terrified. He felt disgusting, evaded, like someone had broke into him in the worst way possible, he was naked to the controlling, horrible voice of Voldermort inside his head. Voldermort… Voldermort was inside his head… Voldermort was inside his head! Harry struggled to fight through the fog in his mind which was no longer beautiful. Harry tried to scream, he opened his mouth, but before he could choke up a sound, Voldermort spoke in his mind again. _Don't scream. _And like before, Harry listened, Harry didn't scream, his mouth was left hanging slightly open, uselessly.

Harry was being Imperiused by Voldermort. It was different to when it had happened before, it was more horrible than he remembered, and even harder to throw off. Harry was waiting for the voice to speak again, to fight it, to ignore what it said; Harry felt his body jerking, unsure of whom to follow. He felt the feeling of his hands on his throat as if he was assessing the truth of his voice. Harry, feeling around the edges of the mind tried pushing it, moving it away, but it felt solid, like a weed, growing somewhere inside him. Harry wanted to scream, the idea of Voldermort inside him made him sick, and also made him drop his guard for the briefest second. _Punch Sirius. _Harry felt his body follow the order, but he didn't see it, all he could see was the fog, which was blackening slowly, as if becoming stronger. Maybe it was ok to just listen to sit back, relax, what was so bad with following what the voice said? He heard Sirius talking to him, he couldn't tell what he said or even what emotion was in his voice, but he let Sirius' voice comfort him. _Attack him. _Harry obliged, but only stopped when he realized what he was doing. He was hurting the ones he loved, he was letting the voice win. But would that be so bad?

No! No! No! Harry berated himself furiously, charging back into the battle inside his head. He refused to relinquish his hold on his body. He refused to lose to Voldermort. He refused to give up and he refused to hurt his friends. Harry felt his breathing grow heaver and his body grow heavier too, like was slowly regaining it, he felt his body being still. The blackness around his vision drifted to a translucent grey. Harry struggled desperately against the voice, which was breathing in his mind, he could feel it become unstable, and he tried to move it again, pushing all his power into it.

He felt the voice jolt and cry out, and his body jerked and grunted in synchronization. He pushed harder, his hands rose out of nowhere, pressing into his temples, as if to help externally. _Press Harder. _The voice was probably trying to make him kill himself, but the voice was weak and Harry was stronger. With a final grunt, he pushed with all his might, and the voice toppled, fell through the side of his mind, leaving him. Harry felt the brief sensation of falling from his kneeling position on the couch, a sharp jolt of pain, and a wet blackness covering his eyes.

Tonks rushed to Harry's fallen figure and immediately checked his pulse. It was steady. She pulled him back onto the couch and assessed his head. It wasn't bleeding. Just to avoid looking into Sirius' face for a few seconds longer, Tonks re-checked Harry's pulse and put her ear to his chest to hear his breath. He was fine. "Is he Ok?" Sirius voice was hoarse, like he hadn't used it. Regretfully, Tonks looked at him, at his broken features, his confused, concerned, and hurt eyes, his venerable and slightly drooping hair that was usually charged with electricity. "He's OK." Tonks noticed that her own voice didn't sound quite right either. Sirius took a deep breath and sat next to Harry, he didn't touch him, just looked at him mournfully. Tonks put her hand on his shoulder. Tonks felt like she was sisters with Sirius, they had become so close during the time Harry had been living with him, They had spent so much time playing stupid, fun games together. Remus, Sirius, Harry and her. She felt protective of him.

"How can he be that angry? I have never seen him like that before. He looked like he _hated _me." Sirius' voice broke on the word 'hate.' "Harry doesn't hate you." Yesterday, even trying to reassure him of this was ludicrous. Anyone could see that. Harry loved Sirius just as much as Sirius loved him, and Sirius worshipped the ground Harry stood on, Sirius wouldn't be able to handle it if Harry left him. Today, Tonks suddenly wasn't too sure. The way Harry had punched him and the look in his eyes really had been horrific. It really had looked like Harry hated him; Tonks suddenly wasn't 100 percent sure.

Remus was crying, actually sobbing, and Sirius and Tonks looked up at him. Remus shuffled closer, putting his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Harry doesn't hate you… I think… I think last night, that he couldn't stand it anymore, I think he snapped, I think Harry has gone insane from over-exposure to the curse." Remus crumbled onto the floor next to the couch. Tonks suddenly saw the scene with new eyes, the jerking the twitching, the detached, far-away look in his eyes. Tonks felt horror seep through her veins. No… It couldn't possibly be true… No… Harry just couldn't be insane. She heard Sirius emit a strangled noise, and saw his eyes swell painfully full with tears. Tonks knew that out of Harry hating him and Harry insane, the former was a million times preferred. Harry had been soulless, they had been so sure they had lost him, why did this feeling seem to unfamiliar and no less horrible? Tonks was crying and she gripped Harry's hand, also dropping to her knees. She loved Harry she was sick of the feeling that he was slipping through her fingers.

She imagined what she would have to tell everyone. The Weasleys, who had just leant that he, was OK after the scare of losing his soul. She pictured their faces, shock and disbelief at first, morphing into painful acceptance. The acceptance was the worst, the surrender to any hope you still might have, the confession that there was nothing you could do.

Harry had only fainted, so it only took him two minutes to re-surface, he blinked open his eyes at the sound of someone sobbing beside him, and someone holding his hand. Harry realized the person sobbing was Remus and was almost positive that he was the reason the werewolf was in tears. He felt terrible. Harry faintly remembered the way he had kicked and punched, out of control and he felt his eyes sting. He was so ashamed, and felt so horrified that he couldn't show his face, he blinked his eyes closed again, motionless, and pretended he was still unconscious. "Oh my God Harry…" This was Remus, Harry tried to detect any signs of anger, and found none. He heard a gasping sound, like someone had just come up from spending a while underwater, on the other side of him, and Harry knew that was Sirius. It sounded so pained, that Harry knew he had to face them, and say sorry for hurting them, for not pushing off the curse sooner. Harry opened his eyes again and slowly sat up. He felt the three people beside him stiffen, hold their breaths, and he turned to face them.

Harry saw Remus first, he still had tears down his cheeks, and his face was pale white. Tonks was sitting beside Remus with large scared eyes; she was trembling like a leaf crying as well. Finally, Harry turned to Sirius. Harry saw his eyes were filled up with tears but haven't fallen, his face was rigid and frozen and his eyes were a haunted silver. Harry saw his injuries. He had a red welt on his jaw, a trail of blood led from his lip and smeared off onto his chin, the area around his cheekbone was raised, ready to be bruised and his hair was mussed and wild. Harry felt his body shudder uncontrollably, seeing the marks on his face and knowing he had caused them, made him feel sick and cold. He huddled up, pulling his legs closer to his chest, to ashamed to speak.

**Yay! Finished! Did you like? So, Harry had been imperiused by Voldermort (you will soon find out when and how) and Harry thinks that Sirius, Remus and Tonks hate him, but actually, Sirius thinks that Harry hates him, for not taking the pain of the crucio's for him, but then everyone believes Remus when he thinks that Harry has gone insane, which, creates more guilt for Sirius for not taking the curses and creates more DRAMA! And ANGST! (Yay for angst and drama) Sorry if the ending is suspenseful, just when everyone thinks that the other is insane/hating them, but it had to be done, so you could review. Do you see how this works now? **** If not… here it is again…**

**Xx PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU WANT TO READ MORE FAST! If you make a huge review then I'll promise a chapter up super fast. Xxx REVIEW~!**

**Next chapter: I really can't tell you. It will give it all away, let me just say that it will be the last angsty chapter before everything goes all normal again, (Hogwarts, Pranks, Quiddich, Umbridge, etc) so, rest assured it will be really ****really ****angsty. **

**Xx please review. You don't know how exciting it is for me. Tell me if you like this chapter.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: same as usual, It is not like I suddenly own Harry Potter now. I don't know why people actually read these disclaimers. What do you except them to say? ****  
**

**I'm sorry. I took ages to update and this chapter is short and slightly pathetic. I'm thinking of ending this fic. It was never meant to be super-long and I have a great idea for another story I want to write. If you want me to write a final section of this fic, review and tell me. Otherwise, I will start on my next story. Here is my idea's for my next story, please read it when I do publish it. Add me to author alert and I will love you! Anyway, thanks for all the positive reviews and all the great feedback I got out of writing this fic, I feel like my writing has really improved and I'm more confident now. If you want a summary of the next fic I plan to write, request in a review. I would be more than happy to tell you! **

**Xxx Thanks so much for reading!**

Tonks was the first person to move forward. She put her hands on Harry's back and rubbed soothing circles there. Harry noticed tears dripping from her eyes. He had hurt her too. He hurt everyone he came close to he was such a failure. Harry pulled out of her hand, wondering why she wasn't angry. She probably felt sorry for him, Sirius would be so ashamed of him, murderously rubbing his jaw, ordering him out of the house… Harry made an embarrassing noise in the back of his throat, like he was being choked. He felt awful. He had punched Sirius!

Sirius was still shocked by what Tonks had suggested. Could Harry be insane. Sirius watched him carefully he watched him curl up and rock forwards and back. Sirius saw Tonks go up to him and rub his back carefully. Sirius was sure that his worst fears had just been confirmed, Harry was insane, it looked like he didn't even realize who Tonks was, he shrugged out of her grip with jerky tense movements, and went back to the hunched ball. They had to fix him! Surely he would get better with professional help… it happened all the time in mungo's. Sirius realized it was all his fault, his fault that he didn't check if the spell was working, his fault he didn't take the spells, and his fault that Harry was insane now. It was so hard for Sirius to wrap his head around the fact that Harry had slipped through his thoroughly incapable fingers, again, and that Harry was insane, that Sirius didn't even cry straight away, he cleared his throat and shuffled closer to Harry. H e felt his heart sinking into his stomach, his throat constricting. He was drowning… "Harry?" His last hope was starting to fade, his voice sounded horrible, like it had never been used.

Harry heard Sirius' voice and he knew he had to face him sometime. Harry looked up. Sirius' lip was spit and it trailed a thin stream on blood and the area around his eye was red and puffy and starting to bruise. Harry felt horrible. "Sirius… I'm so sorry… I'm so, so sorry!" Harry looked at Sirius' face transform through a multitude of emotions, shock, temporary disbelief and then pure joy. Harry's eyes widened, why was Sirius' eyes welling with tears of joy when Harry had just punched him?

"YOUR NOT INSANE!" Sirius burst out so suddenly that Harry almost flew backwards. Sirius started laughing, and stranger still, so did Remus and Tonks. Harry was confused beyond belief. "What's happening? I'm perfectly sane…" Harry said, inching away from his hysterical guardians. "Are you?" Harry asked, genuinely confused. Sirius launched forward and enveloped Harry in a hug, Harry could feel his shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. "We thought you were insane by the crucio's." Sirius explained, when he finally had sufficient air flow into his lungs. The room sobered and Remus and Tonks shuddered, remembering the torturous way Harry writhed on the floor. Harry quirked an eyebrow, then rolled his eyes. "I really question your judgment, Sirius." Harry snatched up a pillow which had rolled off the couch, and hit Sirius over the head with it, splaying his floppy hair all over his face. "That…" Harry smirked triumphantly as he swung the pillow. "…Is for calling me insane." For a moment Harry thought he had hit him where the bruises were, and that Sirius was hurt, but then Sirius retaliated with his own pillow and Harry breathes a sigh of relief.

Sirius swung another pillow to Harry's head, and while it was in the air, Harry froze. He remembered the punches. He had no right to muck around now that he had hurt Sirius. He couldn't just pretend it never happened. The pillow connected, But Harry stayed in his previous position, Sirius crawled over to him. "Harry?" Harry looked away when Sirius tried to meet his eye. "I punched you!" Harry said, his voice wavering. There was silence in the room, Harry sneaked a glance at Sirius. His face was emotionless, impassive. "Did you mean to?" This was Remus, who walked up near Harry. Harry shook his head fiercely. "It was like there was someone in my head, forcing me to do things I didn't want to do…" Harry didn't catch the wide-eye look Sirius and Remus shared. "The imperious curse… Harry you were under the imperio! Voldermort must have cast it non-verbally while he was casting all those crucio's…" Harry still looked guilty and ashamed. "Harry, I don't blame you! It was your first time under the curse, there is no way you could fight it off, especially after torture! I'm fine!" But no matter how hard Sirius tried to reconcile Harry, Harry still felt awful. Harry crawled over into Sirius' lap, feeling like a baby. "I'm so sorry!" Sirius laughed. "I forgive you!" Harry leant back on Sirius' shoulder, feeling sleep tug him into blackness.

"I'm sorry too, Harry." Harry was confused, did he hear right with this blur over his mind, why was Sirius sorry? "Sorry for not taking the curse." Harry would have rolled his eyes if they hadn't drooped closed. "Idiot…" He muttered. Sirius was an idiot if he thought he had to save Harry from the curses. "I'm still sorry…" Sirius said. Harry grit his teeth annoyed that Sirius could blame himself for something that was obviously not his fault. "Not your fault." He felt Sirius' silence disagree with him. "I punched you, so we're even." Harry heard the sound of muffled laughter before he fell asleep.

9 days later

Harry hugged Sirius tightly. Truthfully, he wished he could spend a little more time with him before going off to Hogwarts, but he knew he had no choice. Before he turned to the fire place, (he was floo-ing to the Weasley's to leave with them) Sirius gave him a badly wrapped parcel, grinning at him. "Don't open it infront of Molly." Harry gave a final hug to Sirius, who ruffled his hair, Remus, who begged him to be good, and Tonks, who kissed his forehead. He waved back to them as he walked into the fireplace. He would miss them so much, but he knew that that this year would surely be just as exciting as any other. Harry was so excited to open the parcel with Ron and Hermione on the train. "The burrow!" He shouted and was being whisked away. "Prank Snape for me!" Sirius' voice was hazy and indistinct as Harry's world turned green. Harry smiled.

**If you want to have a final chapter, then review and tell me. I'm thinking of having snapshots into the future of what I would do differently, (Christmas, the department, Horcrux searching, final battle… etc) all with Sirius alive of course. But I won't bother if you guys aren't interested. **

**Thanks guys for reading!**

**xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**DISCLAIMER**

**Helloooo! This is the fabled next chapter, being written pretty late at night, so it may be dodgy grammatically. Umm it Is pretty good because you don't have to remember the story at all, these are all just snapshots of Harry and Sirius scenes from book 5-7 and beyond, and I'm going to tell you now SIRIUS DOESN'T DIE IN THIS FIC nope! Sirius will NEVER die in my world! There will always be a Sirius alive at all times. *please note that the above statement does not in any way indicate that there won't be large doses of angst or periods of time in which Sirius is believed to be dead* hahaha because angst is the best xxx NOW…On to the content **

5th Year September The boggart incident

Harry, although he was starting to enjoy the party, rushed upstairs with the thoughts of everything he still needed to pack for tomorrow plaguing him. He was sure he left a toy snitch or two under his bed…

Molly Weasley was in the drawing room desperately trying to expel the boggart. "R-Ri-Ridik-Ulus…." She sobbed, her husband's dead body, which was laying spread eagle on the floor, changed to the dead body of Harry. Blood was in his ruffled hair, his glasses were broken and robes torn. Mrs Weasley, eyes flashing with the dead members of her family, turned away, eyes wet.

Sirius and Remus seemed always to be on the same train of thought. They were closest to the stairs, and with their amplified canine senses, they heard the muffled cried of Molly Weasley echoing from the landing. They looked at each other, and darted up the stairs, unseen from the rest of the party.

They turned into the drawing room, and almost stumbled back in horror.

Sirius saw instantly the form of Harry's body on the floor, broken and bloody. It took him a while to process it, and once he did, he still was unwilling to accept it. He heard a desperate, "Please no!" escape his lisp quietly, and his knees almost buckled.

His unwillingness to accept the situation brought him forward by Harry's side, finger to his neck, like aurors training had taught him. No pulse. Ice cold, dead…

Sirius shook his head, shaking Harry. "No. NO." He wouldn't accept it. He wouldn't believe it, and then it wouldn't be true. But he knew it all along, the moment he saw it, he knew…

Molly Weasley turned around and saw the two men see Harry's body and Sirius crawling over to check his pulse. Remus stayed at the door, stepping backwards. Fight or Flight syndrome was kicking in, and Remus was trying to escape.

But Molly had to tell them; couldn't they see it was just a boggart? She tried to get a handle on her tears so she could speak.

"Help! Help now!" Remus yelled from outside the doorway. It was hoarse and broken but loud and desperate enough for half the inhabitants downstairs (the trained aurors half) to be up on the landing in a half a second.

It took a second more for them to see inside the room. There were screams and cries, Sirius heard them far away in his mind, and he shook with the probing fingers of shock. His world was tipping, blurry. This couldn't be right… What had happened…? No…

Molly Weasley tried to shout over the crows. "It is a boggart! A boggart!" But her voice shook and was diminished by tears. No one heard her.

Harry darted down the stairs the second he heard screams coming from down the hall. There was a huge crowd by the door, craning necks, but no one went inside.

Harry tried to push his way through, but after he was noticed, people jumped back yelling. They raised wands in his face, as though they couldn't understand why he was here.

There was a flurry of sight sound and emotion, so loud that Harry didn't recall too much, until he came to the doorway of the drawing room and looked inside.

Harry saw, in the centre of the room, Sirius… and a dead body. Harry was sure it was a dead body, something inside him told him before he even saw who it was.

He came closer, and saw that it was him.

He was so paralysed by confusion and shock, and so were the people outside the door, that it fell silent.

Sirius looked up, and at first his eyes were only dull, but then they fell as big as dinner plates and his mouth dropped open. Harry walked closer.

Sirius, seeming to be on the verge of a breakdown of some kind, stumbled backwards against the wall of his family tree.

Harry started approaching his own dead body and when he was the closest person to it, it seemed to dissipate in a familiar way. Then, it was a dementor.

There were several yells of 'Expecto Patronum' and the dementor was overcome, and easily drove back and away, as though it dissolved in thin air.

"Harry?" Sirius croaked, hoping that his vision wasn't playing tricks on him. Sirius came over, and enveloped Harry in a hug, closely followed by Remus who was at the door. Everybody else sighed in relief. No matter what had just happened, Harry was safe, which was all the mattered really.

LATER

Molly, Sirius, Remus and Tonks sat at the kitchen table, all still unsettled from the sight in the drawing room today. Molly felt guilty; everyone's momentary panic was her fault.

"It was a boggart. I was just being stupid… First it was Arthur, and then the children, all dead one by one…" Molly was still unsettled by the memory.

"Then why didn't it change when Sirius came up to it?" Tonks asked.

"It did, didn't it? The dementor?" Molly asked, tiredly, wiping her hands on her apron and adjusting her deflated ginger hair.

Remus shook his head, "That was Harry's boggart, always has been."

Sirius, who had been staring into the distance, broke into the conversation. "It did change. Molly's was all different people dead, mine was just Harry… God, that was terrifying…"

"It was a shock to everyone; no one was ready to see that."

"He was just so still and lifeless… You know how Dumbledore continues to tell us that he believes Harry will have to finish Voldermort without the order? And that we can aid and support him, but we must let him fight alone in the end? I don't think I can do that. I am so scared that something will happen to him… I just can't see him get hurt." Sirius blinked, trying to remove the image of Harry's dead body lying on the floor of his parent's house.

Remus, Tonks and Molly all knew that they could tell Sirius to 'listen to Dumbledore' and 'Harry is a strong boy, he can do it' but neither seemed adequate or worthy of helping anyone. They sat in silence for a few moments.

"No one was ready to see that." Remus repeated, standing up and stretching his back. He laid a gentle hand on his friends back. "You can still be there for him, and help him though."

Tonks and Molly also stood up, ready to part for bed.

"Yes. Harry needs you as much as you need him. Be there for him… Night Sirius"

With these parting words, the women left for the stairs, magically dimming the lights in the hallway, drenching Grimauld Place in shadow.

5th Year Christmas holidays

Harry stayed in his room, not wanting anyone to come near him. He had heard what was said at the hospital amongst the adults and he knew what everybody thought of him. Possessed… Harry shivered, feeling sick to the stomach.

Everyone was worried. Harry hadn't talked to any of them and wouldn't leave the room, when he came down for food the previous day; he had dark circles under his eyes.

It was all after the 'extendable ears incident' or simply 'the incident' as it was so commonly mentioned between the children. The adults however, had no idea what had sparked this in Harry and after their discussion in the hospital it scared them all. They were hesitant to approach him.

Sirius was worried; he walked to Harry's door in the afternoon of the third day, deciding that enough was enough. This was his godson, he could talk to him, and he could fix this. They had been through an extraordinary amount together and they could get through this together too.

Sirius and Harry were close. They had not drifted apart after the warm parting in September, and bonded even more through the mirror Sirius gave to Harry before he left.

They could talk through the mirror and see each other safely. And they did, at least once a week, sometimes for ages. Harry could whinge and complains and talks to Sirius about his problems more than anyone at school. Harry had told Sirius this only a week or so ago, it made Sirius so happy.

Sirius stopped at Harry's door, knocking even though he knew Harry was inside. There was no answer.

"Harry I know you're in there." Sirius waited for an answer, and when there was a long pause, he reached toward the door knob. Before he could open the door there was the click or Harry locking the door from the inside.

"Harry!" Sirius said exasperated, dragging his fingers through his hair. "Please just open the door Harry… I just want to talk to you."

Sirius waited a few more moments and then he started to retreat thinking it was hopeless, he had started to turn away from the door, when the click of the lock unlocking itself was heard and the door creaked open. It sounded like an exasperated sigh.

Sirius pushed the door open and stepped into the room.

Harry's room that he shared with Ron was already pasted with Quiddich posters, and Harry lied back on his bed, bouncing a tennis ball at the ceiling.

Harry looked tired. Sirius came over and sat at the end of his bed, noting this by the dark circles under his eyes.

"Harry, please, tell me what's wrong so I can help you? Is it about the… snake? You haven't had any more visions have you?" Sirius didn't like to admit it to himself, but he was terrified by the idea that Moody put forward, that Harry was being possessed.

Harry sat up, and Sirius saw a strange emotion on his face. He looked angry and insecure, but desperately tried to hide this behind a strong wall or guard.

"Harry, you really need to tell me if anything like that happens again because…"

Sirius couldn't finish his sentence before Harry interrupted him, lashing out angrily, "I KNOW!" He stood up, from the bed, and took a deep breath, trying to continue speaker with a voice of determined calm and appropriate volume.

"Everybody is worried that I am going to attack them! Because I am the bloody snake! Voldermort has somehow possessed me and it would be better if I just went back to privet drive! No one wants me here; I could hurt anyone without wanting to… I could… Everyone is…"

Harry, whose voice had slowly risen to shouting, swore colourfully and stopped pacing the length of the room to emphasise the last profanity by kicking the wall.

Harry felt suffocated in this tiny room, he felt tears pricking his eyes, he wanted Sirius to go, but he didn't want to stay here alone with all the anger and guilt and fear.

Harry flopped back on the bed.

Sirius was a shocked onlooker to Harry's outburst and quite taken back by his swearing. Where had harry learnt that?

Sirius scooted closer to his godson, and tried to speak gently as to not instigate another outburst. "Harry… I'm really not sure what is going on. I wish I could tell you that everything was fine… but I can't. I just want to tell you that I am here for you, no matter what."

Harry sat up slowly, sitting beside his godfather. Harry suddenly felt his anger draining away, he felt empowered, with a protector by his side.

They both faced the rickety cupboard and Harry rested his head on Sirius' shoulder, suddenly exhausted.

"Thanks Padfoot."

"Anytime"

5th Year, 'Department of Mysteries'.

Harry ran up to his dormitory and leapt on to his suitcase, Hermione and Ron were right behind him, still trying to wrap their heads around what Harry said.

"Sirius is in trouble… In the department?" Ron said, wrinkling up his brow.

"Are you sure this isn't just a ploy for Voldermort to bring you away from Hogwarts?"

Harry, whose mind was still aching from the vision, blocked out his friends' voice and grit his teeth.

He groped around in his suitcase, and hissed as he pulled his finger away sharply. He had cut himself.

Harry wiped the hair out of his face, unknowingly spreading some blood he had on his cut finger, over his cheek.

He threw his hand back in his suitcase, his fingers closing safely around the item that had cut him before… the edge of the mirror.

Harry was completely terrified that the vision he had might be coming true right now. He remembered the exact look of pain on Sirius' face. His eyes stung.

He clasped the mirror, the reflective surface showing his fractured blurry face. "Sirius Black." Harry intended to speak firmly, but his voice was tight with nerves and fear.

The three Gryffindors waited a few long moments, but still nothing happened. The mirror was clear and still only reflected Harry's features which were crumbling, draining of hope.

Finally, Harry threw the mirror back on top of his things, and stood up, whirling around to the door. His world was tipping dizzily, but he didn't stop for it to tilt back in place, he just continued to the doorway.

"Harry! Wait! You can't just stand up and leave Hogwarts! It's not safe! Sirius might just not have his mirror on him, you usually owl to say when you are going to talk anyway! That doesn't prove anything."

Harry turned back to his bewildered friends, trying to think of a way to explain how important it was to find Sirius. Sirius was the closest thing Harry had to a father; Harry couldn't deal with the idea that he was being tortured, because of him a less.

His vision turned strangely streaky and tinted red. He turned back from inside the doorway. "Hermione. I need to find him. You don't understand. I have to go; the chance that he isn't there just doesn't mean anything!"

Hermione spoke up before Harry turned back around again to leave. "The chance that you could die means something. And it isn't very small. This can put you in danger, which means that it is an important decision."

Harry sighed exasperated, acutely aware of time slipping away. "Can't you see that Sirius is in danger? That's important to me, OK! He is in danger because of ME. I need to help him, he is in danger..." Harry trailed off, with nothing new to say, his mind was already full of plans. To escape Hogwarts, to get into the Department, to find Sirius…

"Stop! Harry! You're not thinking properly, you need to be in the right frame of mind to make such a big decision…"

Harry ignored his friend, angry that the time she spends bossing him around is time spent away from saving his Godfather.

"Hermione, I need to go." Harry said, not waiting before he turned for the stairs.

"Harry! You are going to get yourself _killed _you're going to _hurt _yourself."

"Harry!"

Harry turned. This wasn't Hermione's voice, or Ron's. Harry saw the worried face of Sirius Black in the two-way mirror.

Harry dashed back to the mirror, scooping it up, and double checking it was really his godfather.

"Harry, are you OK?" Sirius looked shocked, scared and worried. "What is Hermione talking about? Where are you going? Why are you going to be hurt? Are you in danger?"

Harry could see Sirius scanning the room for any hidden danger, and his head going through all the different scenarios.

"Sirius! Are you at headquarters?" Harry didn't need to ask; behind Sirius he could see the familiar walls, doors and thick dusty curtains.

"Harry…. Why do you have blood on your face? Oh my god! Harry, what happened?" Sirius looked completely stressed out; his face had gone from worry to full scale panic in the space of thirty seconds.

Harry tried to reassure Sirius that he was OK, but Sirius interrupted him again.

"Don't you go ANYWHERE which could put you in danger? Listen to Hermione!"

"Sirius! I'm fine, I'm safe!" Harry was still reeling from the relief of finding Sirius OK.

Ron, who always seems to speak at the wrong time, blurted out. "He was going to walk right up to Voldermort in the Department of Mysteries two seconds ago."

Sirius' eyes popped out of his head. "What!"

Thanks Ron, Harry felt like muttering, but had to put all his energy into reassuring Sirius that he wasn't going anywhere and explaining to him what had happened.

"Voldermort gave you a vision of me being tortured? To try and lure you away." Sirius said, dumbfounded.

"If you answered that mirror any more than two seconds later than you did, he would be halfway to the ministry." Ron added, unhelpfully.

"Harry. You were going to go into the ministry? Right into his trap?" Sirius groaned.

"Hello? I checked! (Harry gestured to the mirror impatiently) Plus, what would you do if you had a vision I was being tortured in the ministry?"

Sirius sincerely thought about the question for a second. "Yep, I would beat you there."

As soon as Sirius spoke, Harry heard someone coming up the stairs, calling his name, searching for him.

"Got to go! Bye Sirius! Keep safe! Don't go anywhere near the Ministry of Magic."

Sirius whispered goodbyes, shimmering and fading away. Harry pushed the mirror back deep into his bag, so thankful that Sirius had given it to him and that he had opened it.

And thankful, even, that his scar started searing from Voldermort's anger that Harry had evaded his plan again.

No one was going to get hurt, or die tonight, especially not his godfather.

**BTW there is going to be ONE more chappie after this one to do the final snapshots (books 6 and 7) so this is like part one of the end. Yay **

**Thanks for preserving with this fic, or if you are new, thanks for taking time to read it! **

**DROP ME A REVIEW PLEASE! THAT WOULD BE AMAZING! Xx**


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